please tell me what is going on.

i have been on pils for over a year but i only feel more energy the pils were for taking care of my depresion but now i dont know i have a hatetrid so big but will to hold it down but i dont know were to put over 12 years of hate suffer pain so now i walk arond my doctor say im fine now but i feel emty not a box with a big hole more but just emty and burning i try to hold it away by hanging out with frends but it cant help for ever i feel like im in hell and i have lerned how to use the hell fire to get my frend out of the gate to hell before they end broken like me i feel like a 5 year old kid inside of a 17 year old boy that have to act like a man.