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What in life makes it so hard for you to stay?

 

What is your magic potion?

 

What has made you stay this long?

 

What’s the thing you’ll miss the most?

 

Who do you think will miss you the most?

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crazycatlady 8/20/2014 - 2:59 am

This is all hypothetical, but…

What in life makes it so hard for you to stay? The emptiness.

What is your magic potion? Food.

What has made you stay this long? Pizza. Just kidding. My mother, my daughter, my cats. Fear.

What’s the thing you’ll miss the most? Long late-night drives along the river.

Who do you think will miss you the most? My daughter.

KissOfDeath 8/20/2014 - 9:59 pm

Thank you for commenting.

Everyone seems to be confused on question 2, I meant this phrase as in, “What would you use to kill yourself?”
(Pills, alcohol, etc.)

Rey 8/20/2014 - 3:16 am

Thanks for the post. Its helped me think in a little more rational way during this incredibly tumultuous time.

1. What in life makes it so hard for you to stay?

I grew up with family violence and even though I’m not really in that situation anymore I am still reeling from it. I think the hardest bit is the daily struggle. If it was a struggle occasionally maybe I’d be in a much better place but it screws me over every single day.

I’m also sick of seeing the capitalistic model of individual responsibility take over the country I grew up in. People looked out for others because we were family, we didn’t have this inability to distinguish between genuine need and laziness. I hate that I’m not allowed to talk about my issues without hearing “Get over yourself,” or “You chose to feel this way” or the most disturbing “It’s got to just be some kind of hormonal thing.” I keep fighting on my own to build a life that is “better” but I feel every time I take a step forward, I take two steps back.

2. What is your magic potion?

I do not understand this one.

If you mean what will make all this pain go away, I guess I could get some temporary relief, maybe in the long term it can keep me hovering just over the ‘happy’ threshold. Honestly, I think so much shit has happened to me that I just won’t ever get closure. Maybe if they come up with a medication that makes me forget my childhood and teens I’d have less of a problem, but so much of who I am now is because of what I’ve endured. I’m not sure if switching out my identity, just to get some relief, is a good trade.

3. What has made you stay this long?

I was in therapy ages ago and my clinician was teaching me a CBT concept. Throughout our conversation he figured out that I had a good understanding and utilisation of the concepts and told me he had “no idea how to help” me. I realised then that I am a fairly strong, motivated person that can take a lot of bullshit – I just am getting tired of dealing with it on a daily basis.

I have always said that the day I kill myself won’t be the day where I am most sad or angry, but the day I am most tired.

Who do you think will miss you the most?

My baby sister. She’s going on 18 soon so she doesn’t need me so much anymore. I love her so much and am so terrified she’ll come down my path. So far so good though. Shes more of a fighter than me thank god.

jasonsbigsis 8/20/2014 - 8:12 pm

“Get over yourself,” or “You chose to feel this way” or the most disturbing “It’s got to just be some kind of hormonal thing.”

I hate this. I am so sorry. The world is blind, I know it. But please know that there are those who do understand. And I hope you and your baby sister can help each other.

KissOfDeath 8/20/2014 - 9:57 pm

This post was suppose to make people think about their decisions, I’m glad you seen that. 🙂

Thank you so much for replying,
I loved your comment, it wasn’t “half-assed” it was genuine.

As in “Magic Potion” I meant, “What would you use to kill yourself?”
(Pills, Alcohol, etc.)

nunaa 8/20/2014 - 5:55 am

What in life makes it so hard for you to stay?
depression . Bad memories that I can’t forget

What is your magic potion?
Quran ” cuz every time I think it the end it will never be alright
I read ” indeed with hardship will be ease”

What has made you stay this long?
Knowing that things will be better but when ! I don’t know and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to handle it until then… I hope I am

What’s the thing you’ll miss the most?
I will miss Everything in this world the sky the stars the fresh air but the most is my beloved ones

Who do you think will miss you th most ?
my tow sisters cuz we are together almost all the time

Thanks
I really would like to know your answers

KissOfDeath 8/20/2014 - 9:52 pm

Of Course, but first let me explain question number two, I meant “Magic Potion” as “What you would use if you were to commit suicide,” I should of been more specific.
But since you took the time to read and comment, (Thank you, it’s very appreciated.) I will take the time to fulfill your request dear;

1.) What in life makes it so hard for you to stay?

This feeling of nothing inside, it’s horrendous, I feel hollow, empty.
The memories I have had in the past, struggling with a abusive relationship, and the loss of a very close family member.

2.) What is your magic potion?

Sleeping pills, I already have a stash stored in my jewelry box.

3.) What has made you stay this long?

Refusing to let myself believe that this feeling is permanent.
Plus, I do not want my mother to lose another child. (Not by suicide.)

4.) What’s the thing you’ll miss the most?

My cat. Certain family members.

5.) Who do you think will miss you the most?

My grandmother.

hogpotter 8/20/2014 - 7:42 am

1. Injustice and stupidity

2. Love and intelligence.

3. The desire to fight for my loved ones.

4. My own self

5. No one.

KissOfDeath 8/20/2014 - 9:43 pm

Everyone has taken the phrase “Magic Potion” in a positive way,
I actually meant it in a more dark manner.
I was referring to what you were going to use as your escape out of the world,
(What you would use when you commit suicide.)
But I’m glad everyone took this phrase with a more optimistic view,
Kinda like seeing the glass half full, instead of half empty.
Thank you for taking your time reading and commenting!

beccaswang 8/20/2014 - 7:06 pm

1. The thought of pain, suffering and having no one that truly understands
2. Swimming. No matter what I will have the pool, the rhythm of the stroke and the monotony to calm me down
3. The most incredible man to set foot on this earth and I love him with all my heart.
4. His smile, his ‘christmassy’ smell (cinnamon?!)
5. To be honest, I have no clue. I wonder who will be the first to dance on my grave?!….

KissOfDeath 8/20/2014 - 9:42 pm

Everyone has taken the phrase “Magic Potion” in a positive way,
I actually meant it in a more dark manner.
I was referring to what you were going to use as your escape out of the world,
(What you would use when you commit suicide.)
But I’m glad everyone took this phrase with a more optimistic view,
kinda like seeing the glass half full, instead of half empty.
Thank you for taking your time reading and commenting!

candygrl 8/20/2014 - 8:55 pm

Great post…
1. Pain and loneliness
2. Laughter
3. My dogs, they are my best friends
4. My beautiful home
5. Wow very tough question, Im tearing up just thinking about this! I truly miss my grandmother and grandfather they passed away along time ago .. Death will bring me to them, and my favorite uncle who died way to young! Horrible to say but I am afraid that death my mean that I am not me anymore, so I will miss me ! My memories, my endurance, my beauty, my smile, my amazing hair, my piercing blue eyes, my personality, my creativity! I often pray that God will allow me to always be who I am right now even with my crazy mental anxiety! I pray he gives me peace from the craziness of this hectic life!

jasonsbigsis 8/20/2014 - 10:21 pm

Great post KissofDeath. Thought provoking.

KissOfDeath 8/21/2014 - 1:49 am

This post was meant to make people think about, or even second guess their decision.
Most people who contemplate suicide are not as serious as they really think they are, they don’t have an actual plan, (hence question two, asking about how they would do it.)
I was hoping people would realize that maybe they were not as serious as they thought.

Questions 3-5 is trying to help people realize that maybe there is something worth living for;
The object/person that has kept them here,
The object/person they would miss the most,
The person that will be most harmed by their death.

I’m sorry you found this provoking, but I must disagree.
I thought this helped people think about their suicidal tendencies, even if it only worked for a second, it was a small amount of time they did not feel so helpless anymore.
(Not trying to start a fight, just thought I should share my opinion of my post, and what my goal was for posting it.)

jasonsbigsis 8/21/2014 - 8:13 am

Oh, that’s a misunderstanding… I’m saying I agree, thought provoking as in it gets people to really think about something and the feelings they get from it. It means “Stimulating careful consideration or attention.” So yes, the questions were good to get people to think about their decisions and I liked your post. Sorry if you thought I meant something else.

KissOfDeath 8/23/2014 - 4:37 am

My bad, I thought you meant provoking as in it provoked people to have suicidal tendinces, or provoked them to feel upset.

azurebutterfly 8/24/2014 - 10:45 pm

What in life makes it so hard for you to stay?

Depression and PTSD caused by sexual abuse

What is your magic potion?

********

What has made you stay this long?

Writing. My sister. A small sliver of hope.

What’s the thing you’ll miss the most?

Trees. The ocean.

Who do you think will miss you the most?

My sister.

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