smoking and drinkin

every time my family talk behind my back,it realy hurt so much,

for a long time even now my famil help me,they support me to….

everyone tinks they are lovely,so do i,i can never except that they have talk behind my back… I cannot let them go..

i used to be a huge cheater,i am a big disgrace,i have had sex with many women,many relationship in my 50 pluss year…of my life,,, i have 3 children,my youngest is 16,

my ex wife an i raised our kids for many years,she wouldn’t give me sex anymore,one day i get angry at her, she takes the kids,but i still get to see them sometime. Yes we got divorced

i live whit my new girlfreeend now we have been together nearly 15 year,i have stop cheating now..i regret what i have do in my earlier life,i must live whit it…

my son hurts me with his words,and my family have told others that im an idiot,lazy,bad father,drunk, all that shit…i cant work becose i have a lung illness from smoking,i am broke and live whit my current girlfreennd.shes away at work alot ,and with friends…i am at home alone much of the time.i tink im just drinking and smoking myself into oblivion,,,i have a garden,a bird feeder,,,

i cannot leave,i am trapped forever,becose im broke,,,my sex life are terrible…but i love her realy truly,,,i cant tell my family or her anything,i have been strong so long,to be weak and tell them would realy be devastating for all,,,

i am a wrinkled up ugly man and no other woman would want me,i don’t know wat she sees in me…

i tink i should give up already,give up on life