Sometimes I think I was born suicidal. No idea whether or not that’s actually possible, but I was certainly born … damaged. I’m choosing my words carefully, I don’t know how much I want to say yet.
But yes. Born damaged and then damaged a whole lot more in various ways.
I made one serious attempt many years ago and one that turned out farcical a few years ago and now … now I am sure of many more things and so I have some leeway, when the damage allows it.
Perhaps I will have time to write the longest suicide note in the world and then, I hope, as good an end as possible. Suicide, but not yet, because I have a couple of responsibilities I’ve sworn not to shirk.
I’ve been fading to all intents and purposes for some time now. You wouldn’t believe how easy it is to be reclusively off grid.
By the time I go I will be somewhere else and nobody will notice – and that’s how it must be (for me). It feels right.
And yes, I am aware of just how far up my arse my head is.
5 comments
Well I am kind of with you on the suicide but not yet. THe world is changing and not for the better. I have serious medical problems and other isseues to deal with so I dont think I am long fr this world. But I have a trip planned for next week on a cruise ship. I have a lady to come over and have some diner and private time. I have a few other good things on the horizon > so as long as I have something good to look forward too. I will stay but it my life gets really bad the way it was about a year ago I will just end it. Im 42 I have lived long enough. Elvis was about that age when he died and getting really old sucks.
well good luc with your plans
Uhm thanks.
“You wouldn’t believe how easy it is to be reclusively off grid.”
Yes, yes I would.
I have a responsibility, too I can’t shirk, and that’s to take care of my dog. He needs me. Yes, my dog needs me. Ever heard of a dog who is allergic to human dander? Well, you have now.
My husband and I don’t have kids. I’m not planning on having any. Nope. My father once told me having kids would be the worst mistake of my life. It’s okay for my brother and sister, but not me. No, I’m just too fucked up I guess.
I’m a good mom to my dog, though. He’s spoiled rotten, and all my money goes to his vet bills. Dogs are great.
And by the way, I’ll notice. I also noticed how you got, “for all intents and purposes” correct. Haha! Good job.
Well, you don’t have to listen to your father about kids – it’s your choice.
Agreed about dogs – I’m glad you have one. They’re completely awesome.
Um..why wouldn’t I get to all intents and purposes correct?
🙂 thanks lots for commenting.
intensive purposes. Ha!