The episode

I have been suicidal for about a year now and today was one of the better days but sometimes I get this numbness like I can feel physical but not mentally. It scares me because I freak out and I don’t know if  going to feel mentally anymore and I hurt myself then I feel mentally again then I think why in the hell did I just do this? If I don’t try to do anything it gets worse and it happens at the most random of times and it hits me at the times I’m not prepared for it.  Does this happen to anyone else?