i am a single mother have been even tho i am married. the man has never been there, he was always off drinking while i was at home taking care of things. not saying i dont mind it….i love my son so much and i would do anyting for him. now my son is two, and im filing for divorce since my life with my husband became physically and mentially abusive…sorry if i have spelling errors…so i left him a year and a half ago. i have been doing the whole single mom thing and it was going well…but these bills are starting to consume me. i feel like im drowning. i feel so alone, i have no one i can talk to because i know they will call someone and have me put in the hospital. and i do not want that. idk maybe i need it. i dont have ins. currently and i lost my job that i was making 12 an hour at. now im down to 10 an hour. that two pay cut just killed me. my anx. is higher then ever…i think about killing myself everynight i take my meds to calm me and ease my pain. i have reached out for help and i always get the run around or they are closed after i have been on hold for 30 min. i have no wher to turn…i told my mom sunday i wanted to kill myself because i dont think i can take much more of this. and she goes on and on about how her bio daugher is having hearing loss and other issues. i then got angry and started to cry because i just told her i wanted to off my self and she told me i should not be worried. she has no idea the hurt and pain i have been sufffering since i was 3….my bio sister sexually abused me and almost killed me at the age of 12. so for 8 years of my life i was in pure hell…and when i tried to tell them what was going on…they called me a lier…my suffering goes so deep…but yet i hide it all behind a smile and pretend im ok…because that is what im to do as an adult….i lost the man i love in a motocycle accedent back in 2010…lost our child i didnt even know we had due to stress, got married because i thought that would fix my problem but he made it worse. …i think about finding some place really high and jumping off in to the ocean after taking sleeping pills closing my eyes half way down and hoping like hell i pass out b4 i hit the water….if i could do something to make to pain feel better i would do that…i dont want to feel this way anymore. i want to be happy like a normal person…i want to go to school but how the fuck will i have time..my rent just got raised to 700 a month..i cant even do what i have now. i am so lost and overwhelmed…and tired. i just wish i had someone to talk to and lean on and confide in.