The silence is deafening at times, my heart is filled with pain, sorrow and loneliness. Heartache has once again settled in to stay for awhile. How many more times should I try love again, over and over, really whats the point? They say to have loved and lost is better than not to have loved at all! I say fuck love!!
So the new me.. Im not leaving home unless I have to, Im not speaking to anyone unless necessary. Im just going to stop caring about everyone including my family. I guess this is a forced silence, well not forced, chosen. Im choosing to stop interacting with everyone. I want to live in the silence, breathe it in, die yet live!
Death seems sweet compared to a life filled with pain and loneliness. Death is life in away. Life without, a life within oneself? No pain, just the deafening silence which is becoming my life anyway.
12 comments
You say >Death seems sweet compared to a life filled with pain and loneliness. becuase its silent. No phones ringing nobody bothering me. Nobody asking me to fix smoething or find something for them. Nobody telling me sad stories. Late at night its silent > Silence is golden and I have a roomate who wont shut the fuck up most of the time. She means well making conversation I guess. But most of it is bullshit and the persons controlin nature pops out making big deals out of nothing and always thinks her opinion is superior to others. its a joke. My life is a joke
I wish I could just end it but I dont have the means too at the moment
I’ll get prepared and end it all someday. \\
I hope things get better for you
Im sorry my post got cut off and all messed up and I dont know how to edit it.
Thanks for your comment! I guess Im living alone again, my BF hasnt called me since Sunday and hasnt been over since last wednesday! We were in the process of moving in together! Ive decided to just let it go! Im not gonna waste anymore time thinking worrying wondering about what may have gone wrong! Im a very pretty girl, I can easily replace him! But I think I’ll just sit in isolation for awhile instead!
You say >Death seems sweet compared to a life filled with pain and loneliness. becuase its silent. No phones ringing nobody bothering me. Nobody asking me to fix smoething or find something for them. Nobody telling me sad stories. Late at night its silent > Silence is golden and I have a roomate who wont shut the fuck up most of the time.
I went through hell, still am, but I am still here. You can too, and you don’t need to isolate yourself, it won’t help you in the end.
I wrote this early last year after my then boyfriend broke up with me to marry a fat cow he said was his soulmate. I was heart broken but then realized that he did me a huge favor! Ive struggled with relationships my entire adult life. I used to blame myself! Ive never felt true love for anyone Ive been in a relationship with! Now Im going to just say f&ck it whenever a relationship ends and move on!
lol, you made me laugh. 🙂
well, his loss, right?
And thats how it worked with me… I didn’t realize the extent of the true evil i had in my life married to my witch of a wife. She didn’t need a car, she drove a broom.
Lol, thats horrible and made me laugh! I was married once long ago, my ex thought his contribution to our marriage was simply wearing his holy smelly ass pajamas and playing video games all day! He cheated on me, then when I got pregnant accused me of cheating on him. I kicked him out of my home, he cleaned out out joint bank accounts, and our home. Leaving me pregnant without anything but my clothes! Then the sorry bastard sued me for alimony! Lol, judge denied him and said he got all he was going to ever get ! Thank god, I was so freakin happy to be done with him! On a sad note, i had a miscarriage, but that was a blessing cause I knew I nvr had to see him again. I hate being alone, being alone is very dangerous for someone suffering from anxiety and depression! I guess thats why I just keep trying love! Ive had 3 relationships in 3 years! Great guys at first, then out of no where they fall apart! Im very easy going but this just kills me slowly each time! And i have no friends outside of work! I spend alot if time with my sweet dogs, they are the only reason I am still sane!
Isolation helps me regroup after something bad happens! I suffer from severe anxiety disorder! My therapist told me that Im the worst case she has ever had to receive outpatient therapy as oppose to inpatient! Mental illness is a ***** to live with! I have some very creative coping mechanisms that work for me, temporary isolation not ideal but helps keep me sane and alive!
Wow, i feel better just getting all of this shit out!!! Nvr knew telling strangers about my bad experiences with love and life could help me! I guess just letting someone anyone know your pain really helps!!! My meds are also kicking in!
For some reason this made me laugh:
“My meds are also kicking in!”
I think it was the exclamation point.
Thanks for that.
Thank you for your kind words, very much appreciated 🙂