When I thought things were getting better

So last Tuesday, almost a week ago now, I had a really bad anxiety attack. I couldn’t stand up. I couldn’t talk without sobbing. I couldn’t move without my body hurting. I had this feeling of impending doom. At one point I fell and just didn’t have the motivation to force myself to get up…. I thought this attack had been the first one in a long time, but when I was talking to my dad afterwards he said that this was one of many in the past few weeks and was considering getting me to a psychiatrist to figure out some medicine to help with my anxiety. He went on about how we had discussed this before and he wanted to talk to my mom about it, but the problem is that I don’t remember all those anxiety attacks before the one from last Tuesday. I had thought this was my first one in a month and a half. I’m scared that I have done things that I don’t remember. If I don’t remember these anxiety attacks what else do I not remember? I don’t do drugs save for alcohol, but that’s once a month if even that. I feel like an absolute train wreck and it doesn’t help that people yell at me for being lazy when I’m trying so hard just to keep it together and not fall apart right then and there. My dad is nice and all but he really bullies my mom sometimes and I want to step in, but he’s only going to turn on me. You know he took away my cell phone for sleeping too much? I used to be able to talk to my friends about these things, but I can’t contact them now. Its been a few years since I tried using this website, but I figured I’d give it another go…