I feel like I’m being tested. A situation that anyone else would feel as normal. That in any other case in my life would be normal now feels like its a test from God. I don’t know if I even believe in God. I don’t know if Karma or any of that exist yet im so lost in with everything right now that I cant get the thought out of my head. I have a road in front of me that if it is a test, I will fail and lose any and all hope of reconciliation, yet I don’t even know if that reconciliation is a possibility. If its not a test, it would mean nothing and would be no big deal. Its nothing immoral or bad by any standard. Its just in the position I am in, it feels like it could be a test that has a major outcome on my situation. I hate all of this so bad. Why cant shit just be normal and easy for once in my life.