Black Hole

I cant swim. Everything consumes me. I take every comment or action against me as a declaration of dislike. I dead end myself trying to get over anything.  The grief and helplessness is a salve to my conscious.  I see right through people. Their lives so empty.  Doing such superficial things. I dont know how to involve myself in anything superficial.  I cant be meaningless.  I therefore don’t do anything and hate myself for it. My family loves me. But where I want to go they will never support.  They are the only people in my life. The girl I love. I keep doubting myself and cant ask her out. My schoolwork seems like such a cliff. I dont know how to arrange things. I feel like everyone dislikes me and I’m freeloading. My thoughts swirl in a confusing mix of negative emotions. I dont know where to turn. Lost in my own mental nightmare.