Today, 09/05, I just turn 25. I am just so blessed for being able to complete another year of my life.
So very blessed.
Today was a day like all days, nothing out of the ordinary. Simple, normal, even monotonous I could say. But it’s ok; it makes me happy just being alive. I make sure my parents hear me saying that. I am so blessed. (help me). I am finishing my Production Engineering course at the end of the year and I am glad. (please help me) this is definitely what I want for my life. I make sure my friends hear me saying that. (somebody) So, yeah today was a good day, my family didn’t had the time to spend with me, but I understand that there are priorities to deal with. So I am fine. (please don’t leave alone now). Because I know I am loved. I now I am blessed.
My friends toke to a restaurant tonight no treat me since it is my birthday. We laughed, we joked. Yeah, I made them laugh; I brightened their night with puns, jokes and hilarious tales of ours daily routines. I also displayed a huge smile, to make sure they know I am joyful (I am a liar) and that there is nothing wrong with for them or my family to worry unnecessarily. I love my family, I love my friends and I love my future. What reasons would I possibly have to not be grateful for being alive (I don’t want to die) I would have no right to feel any other way, would I? (I don’t want to kill myself) it would be such a sin to feel this way being so blessed. I have to smile and I am good at smiling (I want to live) so I am always smile. It makes people around me happy as well. It frees them of any affliction and guilty. And that way they are positive that I am happy (but it hurts so very much) and blessed.
The night is ending and I feel my heart a little heavy, but that is normal I guess. It was a special day, even if it was simple and average, it was indeed special. (I am trying so hard) I am alone in my bedroom, watching the clock on the screen of my computer. Observing time as it goes by, but I can’t complain (to hang on but…) because I wasn’t expecting nothing spectacular (but it still hurts) since I am used to minimal things. My other friends call me in the end of the night to congratulate me for another year and I try my hardest in my responses (I am quarreling) to put greater doses of enthusiasm in my voice (against these feelings) to show euphoria on my tone to make them sure I am truly glad. (but I am afraid that…). Yeah. I am.
My little sister hugs me playfully. Her innocence captivates me. (I might be losing). She congratulates me cheerfully and I smile back at her as I pat her head. I thank her with honesty since I don’t think it would be correct to taint her pure act with bitter thoughts (and as days go by) so I make sure, to her still naïve mind (I am more and more certain) that I am happy and eager to live. Of course. What reasons would I have to feel otherwise? (that there is a possibility) After all, I am blessed.
(that I’ve already lost)
So fucking blessed
(Happy birthday to me)
Thank you for taking a time of your day to listen what lays in my mind. Once again, I apologize for my English. As I already established, it is not my primary language. Good night.