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by Starlove

I’m so tired of this. Every night the urge gets worse. Worst part is, I don’t think I’ll ever work up the nerve to kill myself. I can’t buy a gun, and there’s no way to hang myself (nothing sturdy enough to withstand the jolt of a body dropping). I don’t have strong enough rope, anyway. There’s a knife in here with me, and in the moments when I slither out of bed to look out at the sky–star light star bright please don’t make me live another night–I hold it, study it, contemplate it. It’s blunt, and forcing it past layers of skin and fat would be difficult, not to mention painful. Sleeping pills? Already failed to OD. They’d only clog my system and I’d likely linger a few days. A few days too long. All these thoughts, and more specific ones which I won’t say as to adhere to site policy, run though my brain, loitering. So much thought, not enough follow though.
It’s a pity, I could have done great things.

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4 comments

snuffles 9/1/2014 - 12:15 am

What’s brought you to this point?

Starlove 9/1/2014 - 9:45 am

Life. And bad choices, things that are unchangeable. The only positive outcome is I know now the darkness lurking the world of man.

This_iz_me 9/1/2014 - 12:16 am

I have tried to OD before, and your right…. you just feel sick the next few days…. I feel like if you actually think you could have done great things…then hold on to that thought. I don’t even think I could do anything great which just adds to why I am the way I am…. but if you feel like could have done great things, then push to those good things….

insecure-wreck 9/1/2014 - 1:46 am

U can still do great things starlove just pursue what makes u happy not for it have someone help you along the way n stop being negative towards yourself that how u lose yourself I’m always in a lot of pain I can’t do nothing about it just yet my spine is badly curved n with that being said I have tried to commit suicide by wires from choking but I just ended up hurting my neck that’s all but I have friends who care about me n don’t want me too waste my life away I hope in some way I maybe helped you

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