I feel like I am always searching for a place to fit in. Just to blend in with all the other people that fit in. But all I manage to do is watch them; Envy them; Pretend that I am like them.
I feels like I am just watching life from behind a glass. I can see what’s going on but I can’t join..I can’t touch them, I am never going to be one of them. There is always Something separating me from them. I don’t exactly know how to describe it. It is invisible and yet when I reach out I can touch it, I can feel it. It confines me.
I feel disconnected and yet I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything else. Perhaps it is me. The glass is not really out there but it is within me.
Everyday a part of me just chips off and soon I will just crumble like dust and fade away. No that is silly. How can I fade away, how can I disappear if I never really existed.
when will it all end? days don’t seem to go by fast enough..the END doesn’t seem to come soon enough. The pain is unbearable.
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3 comments
It’s hard. Wanting to fit in with the crowd, have friends, connect with others, and feel like you “belong.”
I was like that for a long time. Now I prefer my solitude. Social interactions and human relationships are way overrated, and in my opinion very rarely worth the effort. Especially in a world where almost everyone puts themselves first.
We always want what we can’t/don’t have, and tend to make whatever that something that we’re lacking is out to be much better in our minds than it is in reality. We think along the lines of “if I could just have that in my life, I wouldn’t have to feel this terrible all the time.”
We envy those who seem to have been fortunate enough to have been blessed with the things that we think we need so desperately. “Why does he/she get that – but not me!”
Don’t let your mind play tricks on you. Things are rarely what they seem. Go out and learn a little bit more about the world that you live in. You’ll find, after some time, that it is not what you imagined it was.
Well if you are havig a difficult time coneting with other people you might want to learn to work on your own social skills. Make and effort to conect with people and be kind. I also sense a bit of fear comoing from your post. Like your ki of in a way afraid to fit in somewhere. get rid of the fear and take a shot at making a few friends. Its not that hhard. Hang out at a cofffee shop and chat with some people. Make a post on Craigs list in the friends section and see if anybody responds. THe best way to make friends is to Be a friend. B kind to people and help people out when you can and you will find friends. there are lots of people that are isolated in life and need someody to talk to . Reach out.
One thing you said that I agree with is that the end doesnt come soon enough
I feel that was sometimes. I am in my 40’s and people tell me I am still young.
I look really young for my age. but I feel like Ive been on the planet for a long time
to me 4 decades plus a few is a lot of time. I am curious about the end and what that will be like >>> but I have decided to live my life fully unitl the end does come
so I am goig to press forward and see what life has for me at every age level.
There’s nothing I can say.
Nothing to erase the pain.
Nothing to make it easier.
Nothing to help you smile.
Nothing to make you feel good about yourself.
But I love you, no matter what. No matter what happens, no matter who does what, no matter where you go with your life, I will always 100% love you. To no end will I love you.