im extremely depressed and idk why. I cant get these bad thoughts out of my head and I feel like a failure. ive had similar episodes of depression in the past and have attempted suicide before using pills and I don’t want to get back to that. I attend a liberal arts school and was on the wrestling team with a scholarship but I gave that up today due to this depression. Im planning on dropping out, I don’t want my parents to waste 18,000 dollars on this school where I walk around wanting to die and failing classes. I just want help from someone that’s not getting paid to hear my problems, I need someone who understands what its like to have a great life but still hate everything about it..
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I would say the problem is mostly in your own persception of your life. It seems to me that most of what we think other people think of us isnt exactly true. And we tend to beat ourselves up over things that aren’t really that major. I am glad to see you realize that you have a great life when there are SO MANY people that don’t even have water to drink. I have gained perscpective myself in just remembering that. I know what you mean about the bad thoughts though. I find myself in a constant struggle every day just to think positive. But I do it by reminding myself that I was made special, I am one of a kind. I have a light to shine even if I can’t see it myself. I remember times that I was having a horrible day and someones random kind words made me feel better, and that makes me want to do that for someone else. I am not a professional by the way, I found this site because my fiancee killed himself June 20, 2013. And I have the tendencies myself, but over this last fifteen months I have tried to see things differently. I know the pain that suicide causes and I don’t want anyone I love to have to experience that. If I wake up every morning I will thank God for another opportunity to help someone. Funny how when you think of other people’s problems you forget your own a little bit. I don’t know what you are studying in school, but I am sure you have everything you need to succeed in whatever you choose to do. And I commend you for having the voice to speak out and ask for help. Just tell yourself something different in your head when you wake up tomorrow and all day long when those thoughts pop up. It will get easier the more you do it, and you CAN do it. And remember your parents are just people too. Also make sure you are eating right (I have noticed that has an affect on my depression…vitamins are good!). May God bless you!