i dont know why im so weak… why cant i just go already???… i hate being here… if i go to a psychiatrist theyd prescribe me medicine… i could die from OD but thats not the way i want to go… i hate living… im done with feeling like this all the time… im sick of just sitting here thinking about suicide… i need to hurry up and do it… maybe then for once in my life i can be truly happy…
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Maybe you should try seeing someone? Sometimes medication really does help. Clears your head and fixes chemical imbalances. It’s always worth a shot, right?
i use to take lexipro, but i need something stronger… and i have more things wrong with me than just depression so id have to take multiple medications… idk how much its all gonna cost… itd be a lot easier if i just jumped into a lake… i cant swim so itd work out just fine…
Yeah I can’t swim either, sometimes I fantasise about just walking out into the ocean until my feet couldn’t touch the ground anymore, I’d drown for sure.
Still though, sometimes it takes a certain type of medication or a combination of medications to help fix a person. It’s worth a try, I mean, you might as well see if it can help before you do anything permanent. But then again I can understand if you don’t want to. It’s such a long road to travel down.
Drowning is quite an oddly peaceful way to go, when I was a child my mum held my head underwater till I ran out of breath. I remember panicking and fighting so hard to get to the surface but she wouldnt let go, then when I realised I was going to drown I relaxed and accepted it and took a deep breath of water. It felt cold but didn’t burn like you’d expect, and a wave of calm spread through my whole body before I blacked out. I woke up on the side of the pool being resuscitated, the lifeguard saw what happened and rescued me though I still remember that feeling vividly over 15 years later.
I’ve had three experiences in my life of near drowning. Twice when I was a young child I feel in to a swimming pool and to be rescued, a third time when I was in my first year of high school somebody held my head underwater. I remember vividly the panic in all three situations and the terror, specifically I recall the second as somehow I had flipped upside down underwater and was not aware of which way was up out of the pool. Perhaps the final moments are peaceful but my recollections are not so positive before reaching that point however.
The panicking and terror was definately there but when I realised what was happening and gave in it became peaceful. I guess it took less time for me to drown than most as I screamed so hard I ran out of breath rather than trying to hold it.
I’ve nearly drowned a few times too. I never got to the point that I accepted that I was drowning and let it happen though, something always saved me before that point. I wish I had’ve gotten to that point.
I have reconsidered my planned method and have put drowning high up on the list