I’ve lived the last 5 years with severe depression and I’m sick of everything. Why should I bother anymore? To quote Macbeth; “I am in blood stepped in so far that should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as to go on.” My life is miserable at the moment, has been for a long time, and likely will be for alot longer. I’ve even found that I’m too useless to even help myself; when I make commitments to myself to make a change for the better I always break it and find that I’ll always be the coward I swore I’d never become. I think soon I’m just going to give up – and would there be anyone who would be surprised by this, since I’ve given up on everything before now? I am a failure, my life is a dead end and there’s nothing anyone can do to change it. No matter how hard I try I will always end up hurting myself or everyone around me. For the first time in my life I actually feel liberated – not because I’ve healed in any way, but because I know that when you hit rock bottom there’s not much lower you can go. All that’s left is for me to die. For my existence to cease and for nothing to be left of me but tortured memories of those who had the misfortune of knowing me.
I’m going to be remembered as the failure who never even tried to help himself. My head is infested with snakes; my life is unrelenting, unadulterated pain that wont end until I die. Should I go on, or should I give up now?