Hey all, this is my first time posting here. But I really need someone to talk to… Let me start off by saying I feel like a rat in a cage. Feeling I’m lost in a world I don’t understand and it never stops and it never starts. It’s the constant loneliness of the world. I Don’t think I’m all in this world. I don’t think I’ll be here too long…. Everyday is the same thing, I want to just quit my job and runaway from life, people, just everything… I’m 20 years old about to be 21 in nov and I cant even drive.. I get told all the time that I’m really good looking and that I’m doing great for someone my age, I have a “great” job making close to $15 an hour but I don’t fucking care about that. Ugh… I just don’t get this “Life” thing anymore everything seemed so easy growing up….. Idk anymore sometimes I think about just taking my own life because I’m never truly happy… I put on a fake mask everyday to come off as some happy cheery person just to get the day over with and not have to deal with people worrying about me…. Another thing that upsets me is that I talked to my DOCTOR about having depression for about 10 years of my life and that I’ve had thoughts of killing myself. All he said was “Oh, I need you to take a test and Ill give you some depression meds”. fuck him this shit just makes me feel even more alone then I did before, I mean yeah it helps but I don’t feel like me anymore…. I just wanna fade away from the world and be forgotten.. I hate everything about my life…. I mean do you remember when you were a little kid and you would look at the clouds in the sky as the sunlight bounced off them. And something that simple would make you feel a part of everything and all alone at the same time. And that feeling’s got something you can never put into words so you spend your whole life chasing it; making Carols, taking pictures, painting… whatever, in the hope that other people will understand that sense or… feeling. As creative entities we look for signs of life outside ourselves, for a connection to… alleviate the sense of solitude. That’s why we all do what we do, whether we know of it ourselves or not… I just want to help me… I feel so alone and dead inside…
2 comments
Wow, I thought that how you described creativity was both interesting and insightful. A lot of people on here I think are in the same boat, leading me to reconsider my belief that we should all move to an island somewhere and smoke weed while living off of bananas and coconuts.
Take the mask off. Let it ride, if you’re as good looking as everyone perceives you to be it’d be a nice change of pace.