writing

I’m trying to stay grounded, to not let this silly thing get to me, but I can’t. Writing is the only thing that is keeping me from hurting myself and even then I struggle to find my words. Everyone keeps telling me the same thing, that this guy was a douche or some other name, but I want to know why such a nice guy would say the cruelest thing to me the morning after such an amazing day. I was blind sided I thought things were going well he was sweet and never rude to me until this morning. I want to know what I did. I want him to tell me to my face why he doesn’t like me anymore because last night it felt like we were the only two people in the world. I want to know what happened in those few hours after I left that made him say such cruel things to me…. no one deserves that not even me… or maybe I do who really knows. All i know is that now I will never be able to go anywhere or do anything without worrying that I smell bad…