Hey everyone, this will be my first post here!
This seems like a nice community so I thought I might aswell make an account here.
I do have some questions that I’ve been searching answers for over the internet and I found some aswell but it’s always nice to have someone to discuss with when it’s concerning your case in particular.
I’m going to try to keep my story quite short and I might only mention the positive parts of it aswell… I feel like I have ruined a perfect chance of a good life. I don’t want it to seem like I’m bragging but I just wanted to mention the positive parts of my life as a contrast to all the negative stuff I think of all the time every day.
I had a great childhood, fantastic parents, fantastic and trustworthy friends, lovely girlfriends, good school and everything has really been good for me I must say. But I don’t appreciate life, I don’t see the point of living except for the reason to not harm my close ones. Yes, I have also walked along some rough paths during my journey that probably have had influence on my perception of life.
Long story short, I’ve decided that I’m going to end this, my biggest concern is method and how to find peace in mind, and that’s why im making this post, with hope to get some help. (I know there’s some kind of limit how much you’re allowed to discuess methods on this forum and I hope this wont cross the line).
1. Peace in mind?
I’m having problem finding peace, maybe that is inevitable, I’m so scared of how my parents will react, will they be able to go on with their only son gone? Friends and “loves” might fall a tear but life goes on and I’ve written a letter to my closest ones and I think… “life goes on” and it will be alright after a while. Do you guys have any tips on how to find peace, and feel a little bit more calm about what you’re leaving behind? Not drugs and stuff though.
I’m starting to think the only option is to think “fuck it” and just do it?
2. Methods
This is probably my biggest concern at the moment, I know there’s so many options but at the moment I can’t leave my home. That leaves me a little bit short on trustworthy methods. I don’t have any access to guns or drugs, not lethal atleast so the “quick” methods are gone sadly đ
I was watching mythbusters and they did a test about electrocution and the most lethal object to drop in a bathtub seems to be a cloth iron. Watching it this might be my method, but reading some stuff online I see very different opinions about it, do anyone here have any knowledge about it?
I live on the third floor and our roofheight is around 4 m, so if I would jump I think the height would be around 10-12 meters, I’m quite unsure if it would work? If I went head first?
does anyone have any tips to me..? I’m trying really hard to find some way to go away with atleast some peace. I don’t want to spend my last moments in agony.
Thanks for reading my post, it means alot.
HappyBoy
18 comments
Method – Electrocution is torture. Hanging seems to be the easiest for you. The others might be CO2 intoxication, drowning, cutting, etc.
Peace – You will most likely never find it, no matter what you do in this life.
Purpose – Watch the video i posted a few days ago (” Purpose of life / Scopul vietii ” on youtube).
I have read that drowning is the most peaceful way to go.
Thanks for your reply!
Yea, I was expecting electrocution to hurt but I thought maybe it went so fast that it wouldn’t matter.. maybe naive of me.
Okay, I guess I have to go for “fuck it” :p
will do. Again, thanks for your reply
For your first part about peace…well, I’m pretty much in the same boat as you (good life and all) and I don’t think there’s any way to find “real” peace. The most that you’ll probably be able to get is acceptance that things will continue on afterwards and that they will be able to move on. (at least for me, sorry to interject my own thoughts on your thread).
For the second part, I’d have to agree with numacalcadotro about hanging. Electrocution sounds extremely painful and I think it might leave more marks on your body. Make it as “untraumatic” as possible for people by leaving as few marks on the body as possible ya know…
Anyway…hope you feel better and good luck
Haha no problem, feel free to write what you want đ Yea, I just don’t think my parents wont be able to handle it… I don’t know.
Hm, okay. I need to find a place on that though, maybe threw my chinbar, might be too low. Have to check it out. Thanks!
I had a couple of accidents around my house in the past, while renovating. Based on what i felt, it takes a long time, especially at low voltages such as those used in your home. It is torture, not just physical, but also mental. Your brain will immediately enter in survival mode. It’s the closest thing to hell on earth. Burning to death is a lot easier, since you probably can’t think clearly because of the pain. Not so with electrocution…
Jumping from 10 meters will not kill you no matter how you fall. But it can cripple/paralyze you.
I suggest buying helium canisters online and using the “exit bag” method. You don’t have to leave the house and it’s the least painful method existent.
What are your reasons ? Not seeing a meaning to life is not a good reason. On the contrary, this should be the start of a new life for you, since you probably stopped caring for the things people usually crave – job, girls, etc. Now you’re free to do anything you want without regretting that you lost the job, the girl, etc. I say kill your current life, not your body. You can use that body to start a new life – take a job in a different country, do something you always dreamed of doing, etc… Say goodbye to your family&friends, tell them you’ll visit them in 20 years and go for it. You are free to go anywhere you want and do anything you want. Use that freedom.
Ah okay… I guess I’ll skip this method. One of my problems is that I’ve been in an accident and I’m waiting for surgery, so I can’t leave my home at the moment and I can’t really order this kind of stuff home due to I live with my parents, I recently finished high school. I think jumping is the biggest shot I got.. except for hanging, I gotta look into that and see if I could find any good place for it. Thanks for all the useful info, really appreciate it.
So even if I went head first, it wouldn’t be enough? đ sorry, just asking, I was so certain about this method…
My reasons might seem shallow, I don’t know. I’ve been raised my careerists parents (They’ve been perfect parents I think) but because of that influence I’ve always had quite similar goals in life, reaching the economic goals etc. And going along that path has gone really well but I got sick in my last 2 years in high school and I’ve been in an accident aswell so I’ve been very isolated from the things I saw as life and loved. But meanwhile I’ve also realised that this is not the life I want, and these last couple of years have been really hard on me, and I’ve been trying to plan my suicide for years now. Even though my plans got paused because I met a wonderful girl, but it would never work because of my sight of how life is, she deserved better then me, it ended well (long story short :P). I should add that she is not the reason I’m doing this, I was determined before I met her. I don’t have the will or the power to raise up again.
When reading what my reasons are I think they look kinda childish, but I’ve not gone into detail really, so please dont judge too much.
Anyway, I read what you wrote about moving… that could be a solution, maybe farfetched but it could work… first I gotta get my surgery done and rehab etc… quite a long run before that could happen I guess… I think my parents could buy me a house somewhere, if they were convinced, guess my mom would have a hard time letting me go like that, don’t know. I’ll look into it… I’m having really big trouble with leaving my parents behind if I were about to take suicide, they’ve done everything for me.
If you would move anywhere on this planet, where would it be?
You would be surprised how many people contemplated suicide for the same reasons, maybe even your parents. Take a ride on a commutersâ train in any large city of the world and look at their faces â theyâre like zombies. Humans are not made for the city life (most of them anyway).
I was raised the same. I had all sort of jobs, from farming to the best of the best, like trading in the biggest financial centers of the world. Wanna know what the best job was? Washing dishes in a cafe as a student⊠Actually itâs beekeeping but thatâs not really a job, more like self-employment.
I think a complete (and possibly permanent) change of scenery is still your best choice, especially since you say you can afford it. All those zombies on commutersâ trains i mentioned wish they would have the money to escape, like you doâŠ
If I was to leave anywhere I would probably pick the Seychelles LOL⊠But you probably also need a purpose there, not just an extended vacation, so you should do volunteering work around the world. Itâs not expensive, youâll see new places, meet new people, make new friends, learn new things, etc. When youâre bored of a place, volunteer in a different part of the world with a different culture. When youâre done, go back home and start a business doing something you enjoyed/learned during your travels.
Yea, I live in a capital city so been there done that hehe.
This idea you mentioned about moving got me a little bit hyped actually, long time since I felt that. I’ve been closing all my media and almost turned of my phone completley the last 4 months, just to avoid contact with close ones to make it easier for them, I was so determined that suicide was the only method. I still think that it will be the solution in the end though. I’m going to talk with my parents today about moving, it won’t be an easy project but it might work, thank you đ
about hanging, I read some stuff at lostallhope website, they had like tips/guide. If I got it right I dont even need to be hanging in the air, I could basicly be leaning forward on my knees or similar just as long as when i pass out I will still be hanging slightly. Then I wouldn’t suffocate instead I was stop all the blood flow to my brain and down to my heart. Is this hard to achive? If you got any knowledge about it. Sorry if I’m spamming you, just feels great talking to someone really.
Google “Marcus Jannes video”. This is a typical hanging – he blacked out in a few seconds (this is how “hanging while touching the ground” is possible) but his body kept moving, similar to other videos i’ve seen. It might go wrong though, and the person would slowly suffocate; for example if the rope is too thick and stops air flow but not blood flow to the brain…
I say make the most of your money first – go live with the poor and help out in Africa, Asia, Latin America, etc. You can always come back and kill yourself. Just get on a plane and leave – you’re half dead anyway, what can possibly go wrong …
Don’t jump at that kinda height unless you want to be paralyzed your whole life. You could buy a car and have the catalytic converter removed and CO poison yourself. But it sounds like your parents are well off for you to make multitudes of changes before you decide your fate.
You would be surprised how many people contemplated suicide for the same reasons, maybe even your parents. Take a ride on a commuters’ train in any large city of the world and look at their faces – they’re like zombies. Humans are not made for the city life (most of them anyway).
I was raised the same. I had all sort of jobs, from farming to the best of the best, like trading in the biggest financial centers of the world. Wanna know what the best job was? Washing dishes in a cafe as a student… Actually it’s beekeeping but that’s not really a job, more like self-employment.
I think a complete (and possibly permanent) change of scenery is still your best choice, especially since you say you can afford it. All those zombies on commuters’ trains i mentioned wish they would have the money to escape, like you do…
If I was to leave anywhere I would probably pick the Seychelles LOL… But you probably also need a purpose there, not just an extended vacation, so you should do volunteering work around the world. It’s not expensive, you’ll see new places, meet new people, make new friends, learn new things, etc. When you’re bored of a place, volunteer in a different part of the world with a different culture. When you’re done, go back home and start a business doing something you enjoyed/learned during your travels.
i replied to the wrong comment, sorry.
Okay, thanks for the info đ Everyone seems to be against the method with my current height so I’ll stay away from it.
From an old(ish) confirmed wanderer that left economic success behind for similar reasons. (and ended up in deep shit on an island – but that’s another story).
numacalcadotro summed it up nicely.
“But you probably also need a purpose there, not just an extended vacation, so you should do volunteering work around the world. Itâs not expensive, youâll see new places, meet new people, make new friends, learn new things, etc. When youâre bored of a place, volunteer in a different part of the world with a different culture. When youâre done, go back home and start a business doing something you enjoyed/learned during your travels.”
Try Asia, try Africa. There’s no ‘meaning’ to life. But there’s experiences, beauty. You can kill yourself anytime. Get some air first, breathe, experience. Why not?
Hey Bridge,
and ended up in deep shit? that sounds scary :p
Yea, I’ve been thinking quite alot about moving the last day, this would need quite alot of planning if it should end up well. I don’t know if running away for everything is the right solution, still, it might be the only solution if I should have any chance of wanting to survive.
The thing is I want to move away from the mentality of our communities and to do that I must move quite far away and almost into the wild :p
I talked to my parents yesterday, they were quite positive to the idea, but as I said and they said it will take some time before I can do it.
Yea, I was thinking about Africa or Asia. We looked at some houses to buy yesterday just to start to get a grip of the idea. I checked on some private islands for sale aswell, but that might be too lonley i guess.
The thing is I’m so tierd of everything that life has to offer, sure I haven’t done everything but I don’t really see any joy in planning this trip except that I might escape suicide and then wont need to harm my close ones. This is really hard. If i would manage to do this it’s almost like I have to isolate myself, but what is happiness when you can’t share it with anyone.
You are bored with the bubble. Now the idea is to get out of the bubble, even if just temporarily.
Buying houses? Private island?
You sound a bit unbelievable. But being someone who’s seen a lot, I’ll say this, just in case you’re serious.
No good taking the bubble with you. Nothing will change. It’ll still just be you in a bubble staring out at the slightly changed scenery. Maybe with a few fake spongers around you.
You go somewhere you think you fancy, you rent a place for maybe a month or six, see if you enjoy it. If not, try somewhere else.
There’s life out there. Amazing stuff. Stuff you haven’t even heard about.
If I do this it will be because the chance of survival, not because I’m bored. I do not want to live, but I do not want to die etheir, but I rather not live really.. or how to put it. I’m really afraid how what would happen to my parents, how they would handle it. That’s why I’m considering this.
Well It’s not my money, it’s my parents. Me myself would not be able to afford that kind of stuff. I checked a site, private islands were not so expensive as it could seem. They are quite small with a nice cabin on them really, if you would look in Canada for example. Anyway, what you belive and not is up to you of course! I do not want to feel fancy, I’ve been raised in this kind of stuff and I’m so tierd of this material world. That is why I would want to escape. I’m not sure if it will help though, it would be a last jump to try find peace.
Thank you for your help.