DISCLAIMER: What you’ll about to read is not a story its more of a rant, no, its a glimpse of what is on my mind and how my mind works and thinks. I wrote this disclaimer after i’ve written the things below.. I’m not sure if someone will understand it, or even understand what im trying to accomplish, but i do hope someone is, in someway, is the same as me..
My mind is my greatest enemy. My mind brings me pain. My mind is a super highway of thoughts i cant keep track of. My mind fears the unknown, its such a curse to always want to know the truth, to worry of the future, to always wanting to be one step ahead of everyone else. My mind is frustrating, in the millions of thoughts i can think of in one second, there are always a few good ideas that i know can help, either help myself, my family or my friends. But i just cannot execute them.. Sometimes my mind is the reason why i want to quit. I just want peace for my mind, i want it all to stop. I want my mind going completely blank.
I hate good memories. They remind me of something i can never have again. And that hurts, remembering how you felt at that specific moment and realizing you can never feel that way again.
I ask questions alot. I am forever curious. I always ask why alot. Why do people always end up leaving? Whats so wrong with me that they tend to get fed up and just walk away? I miss them. All of them. I never wanted it to hurt like this but was it all really my fault? Why does this always happen to me? Why do i always feel neglected? What did i do to deserve this? Will the next one be the same as the past? Will i even live long eniugh to get the answers for my questions?
Memories if good times keeps popping back into my head and its fucking frustrating. I feel this need to understand everything and everybody. Wen i meet you and talk to you i wont pay attention to what your saying cos in my head im already deciphering how you think, what youre thinking and what kind of person are you. Im a talkative listener, i’ll listen to you but i’ll prolly not understand you completely. Im talkative but i can listen.
Now i wonder would anyone care?
3 comments
It sounds to me like your mind is on a spiral of negative thoughts. You need to change that.
Stop dwelling on bad things in your life or in the word and think good nd happy and positive thoughts. For me I accomplish that buy reading a lot of uplifting books that give me me hope and encouragment.
Also you need to stop thinking that you will never have good times again. that is LIE>
Th truth is we often create what we dwell upon. You need to start believing that the best years of your life are ahead of you and not behin you. I have met many people that had things really bad for long time but they keep beliveing that things would get better and they came into the best years of their life later on in life. so dont give up. You have to retrain you mind to think positively and let the past go. come up with some creative ways to improve your life.
meet some new people that lift you up.
you can contact me if you like jrock7766@hushmail.c0m
From what I can see it’s almost as if I’m reading something that I’ve written . . .
It’s such a ***** ain’t it? My mind takes over me many times, it does cause frustrations, and I have lost relationships, jobs, and more.. I just want it to stop…