Hello there. I’m me. I’m confused and I still don’t like myself.
Am I the only who feels so compelled to run away all the time? I feel like I want to run away from my life. From everything I have. From all of my life. From my experiences. From reality.
I want to run away to restart. You’re right. There are no restarts in life. But. Everything we do in life is based on our definitions, no?
Ah. I’m sorry. One day I will. I might or might not bring you. But this sounds like a pretty good future in my imagination.
Right. Running away. I should run away
Right. Run, run away, and don’t ever come back.
Nobody likes you. Just go. Don’t return. Don’t go back. Erase your existence.
Run.
3 comments
There are restarts in life. You CAN erase your existence. I’ve done both. I ‘died’ spiritually and was reborn in a new body. Gone is all the grief, shame, trauma etc etc. I am free to make a new life. My powers are limitless. I believe you can do the same. The secret is to embrace and have sex with death itself. You have to become totally fearless. All the extraneous unwanted shit gets burned away. Love death, but it’s not about erasing your physical existence. Total change is possible in the same body.
I ran away. Twice.
My first time was to college. I went to escape my town and my past life and my “friends”. My first day at college, I cut off all ties with everyone I knew from high school. Never spoke again.
I forgot that life almost completely. I visited my family only during my first year, when the dorms were closed for holidays and all the students had to leave.
Then I ran away a few years later, to another country. Left my family behind. Left everyone I knew from college behind. Left my culture behind. Left my work behind. I got a new job. I changed my name twice.
The only remnants of my past life are a few items in my house from my home country.
My student loans.
And the recent contact I’ve had with my family to procure documents I need to apply for citizenship here.
I love my country now. I love my home. But sometimes I want to run away. I imagine buying a plane ticket and flying to another country without telling anyone. Getting a job while on a tourist visa, and applying for a work visa, and just starting over again.
But I’m happy enough here I guess. It’s the best place on earth, I think.
So you can really completely forget your old life and start anew.
Ok see you tomorrow 🙂