I think I’m about done

I don’t think you need to feel an emotional connection with people to keep on going.

When I was young, I had no close friends, and my family felt like foreigners to me. I couldn’t understand why I was with them and we couldn’t understand each other at all. We were so different. It was hard to connect, so I spent my time in a dark room playing video games every day.

I had some “friends” at school, but we didn’t even really talk much. They were just the people I sat with at lunch…and that was about it.

I had 1 good friend in middle school but he went to a different high school than me. We stopped talking and drifted apart. He was my best friend. After that I felt really alone.

My failure to understand people or to connect with people really bothered me. Either I had something wrong with me…or…everyone didn’t like me. I still don’t know which it is. People put on airs and fake smiles…so I just don’t know.

I saw a TED talk about the power of Introverts. I realized I am just an introverted person. I like being alone. I like being with just my thoughts. I am not outgoing and I get nervous around others.

So I kind of accept that I don’t connect with people. And that’s fine.

But don’t get me wrong, I DO want at least 1 good friend. But it’s hard to find that person. My best friend now (we met in college), lives in a different country from me. We’ve been apart for 5 years. We talk about once a month on Skype. He’s the only one who really “gets” me.

So…it’s okay to be alone. But it’s okay to want friends. You’ll find someone who you CAN connect with eventually. I didn’t find someone for 4 years all during high school. And since then until now…I’ve only found 1 person (my current best friend).

There is someone who you’ll be able to emottionally and philosophically connect with someday. You just want to wait until you meet.