My suicidal thoughts come and go but I always feel down, I keep saying it will get better but it doesn’t, it gets worse. I have a problem I can’t talk about but has made me this way, unable to live a proper life, to suffer paranoia, to be alone. I need to be held, to be touched, to feel the warmth of another body, just once more. I’m going into London soon and I’ll try and find a woman to be with, just for a night, if I fail I’ll get drunk and perhaps I’ll try and jump into the Thames and drown my ugly self. At least death means I won’t suffer anymore: no migraines, no loneliness, no depression, no paranoia, no self loathing, no wishing I was dead because my wish will have finally come true.
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I’m sorry things are so bad. I see you leave these great messages each day for people. You provide wisdom and support and it’s noticed and appreciated. Wish you could find happiness. Wish we all could.
Yes I noticed that too thank you for trying to be supportive to others even though your just as sad and hurt as us
nias, you and I seem so alike at times. I don’t have the paranoia you have but I do worry constantly and I just want to shut my mind off half the time. Like me, i recall you also went through bulllying too. Obviously things are different between us too but I’m glad I’ve gotten to talk to you a little more lately.
I wish you would talk about what makes you feel so down with us. I want to try to help you like you help me and seemingly half the rest of the people on this forum.
if you were here, I’d hug you. I’m sorry I’m just a guy though. I definitely know the feeling of wanting warmth near you again, especially the warmth of a woman. Sometimes the world feels so cold without that warmth. There’s something special about feeling like someone cares about you and feeling like they need you close to them as much as they need you. I know it’s something deeper than just warmth as it is a warm sensation of love and comfort that makes it transcend pure warmth and softness of skin. It’s that little extra clutch when she hugs you, that slightly readjustment where the hug settles into something more than physical contact and becomes a more profound and complex display of affection. You feel like someone thinks your worth something. It’s something more than words could ever say because it is pure emotion. To feel that would be wonderful – so wonderful I don’t know if I could let go. I wish that for you too.
Take care nias.
Thank you copelessness, there are two things I should mention, the paranoia is what the doctors says I suffer from but I know what’s happening around me but I still struggle to say why, embarrassment. The other thing is that although I say I want love, even for one night, I really want a love that lasts, someone there for me but I can’t see it happening. Your desciption of love is so wonderful, it’s more than physical, it’s an emotional bond, I’m sure there’s a girt out there for you, one that’ll give you the love you deserve. I wish theWhispersOfMySins and looking4peace and all of us can find a future, I know some won’t, it’s sad, but we must try first, the ultimate decision has to be a last, last resort.
Hugs
Nias you say you want a love that lasts but don’t see it happening for you. May I ask why you feel like that?
I’m more sure of that in regards to you than for myself really. I’m too quiet and reserved to be noticed. That and the anxiety I display until I get to feel comfortable around a person face-to-face typically lasts longer than people are willing to give it. It quickly becomes apparent that I am broken and most people don’t want the challenge. Perhaps it is the same for you.
It’s also seems we both suffer from mistyping. 😉
It could happen, yes, but I can’t see it, my problems keep me a bit of a recluse. I work but even doing that is difficult for me, it’s all so embarrassing but the doctors don’t seem to care. I can’t see a woman wanting to take me under her wing and help me move forward, I could be wrong, I hope I’m wrong but my last girlfriend treated me badly and I’ve not found anyone since.
@ copelessness, the funny thing is, I feel you have more chance than me but we can’t play the game of who’s the least likely to get a girlfriend so lets say there’s someone out there for you and someone out there for me, it’s just a matter of finding them. You’re right that some women don’t really want a quiet man as anything more than a friend, they seem to like confident men, but there are women who do want the reassurance of a sensitive person like you, believe that and in yourself.
I wish I could edit my comments up until another comment is posted or five minutes have elasped, just to tidy up.
I think both of you guys are really amazing. You both take time to offer advice to strangers. To listen. You both show wisdom and kindness. I’m sorry you’re both hurting. Wishing so very much that I could fix it.
What can I say, being a woman, to you guys? To start with, I also have similar anxieties, I know how hard it may be to be with me, my problems, my craziness. We woman also may suffer from similar things you guys go through. I was lucky to eventually find someone who wants to put up with my bipolar ups and downs, and still think I deserve his love. But when it really comes down to it, I think it is all about what you can put up with yourself, I think the anxiety that runs in us comes from within, and often enough we reflect it in others because, somehow, it is easier to accept that others feel weird about us that we feel weird about ourselves. What other explanation could there be to, despite having people in your life (and be generous here to include an array of people that truly supports you, no matter what type of relationship you have with them), who really cares about you, you still feel miserable? It comes to convincing you of an old saying: nobody can live you better than yourself. So, as an exercise, try hard to look inside yourself and convince me that there is nothing that you would love about, if not in yourself, on a side of you if you had seen it in someone else…