I’m Not Sure What To Do

I’ve been dealing with this pain for so long… I’ve attempted so many times. I can’t take this anymore. it kills me. I’m afraid to make friends because they’ll all just leave me by death or turning against me. I’m so sick and tired of crying myself to sleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. And feeling like a fucking mistake to my parents. Why was I born? My mom should have fucking got an abortion. I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE! IT’S TO FUCKING HARD! LET ME GO! PLEASE PLEASE LORD LET ME DIE! I can’t do this anymore. I’m ready to pull the damn trigger and end this shit .Everything is worthless. I do nothing but try to help people and nothing works out for me. I miss who I use to be…… I miss being my moms favorite kid in the whole world instead of just the kid that fucking self-harms and she has to call the cops on…. I never wanted to be like this. WHAT DID I DO?!?!?! I’VE DONE EVERYTHING I COULD BUT NOW WHAT? ALL I DO IS FUCKING MESS EVERYTHING UP :'(

…………This may be the end of me…