I feel as though i keep getting chases to “start over”… however i end up either back in the same place or missing where i was before. I feel like even though i have change of scenery all my baggage (especially of the emotional kind) always keeps me revisiting my past. I need to let go and move on. I dont belive in forgetting your past but for my case I dwell on it so much I need to completely push it back into the “vault” and only revisit the past when I have my head and life together; because right now I am just not happy with where i am and the people who are in/ out of my life ( of course besides the select few). I need to find peace with myself and stop letting my emotional shit get the best of me. Yes I feel alone, no i dont have any friends to surround myself with, yes it is a struggle to wake up every morning; but i have to believe that one day I WILL be where I want to be, with people whom I love and love me back, and I WILL be the person I want to be.
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Good luck with that…I’ve tried for decades and it didn’t work no matter how good I was to them I only got shit on. That’s what happens when you’re a worthless piece of junk like me. I thought I was worth it, I really hoped I was worth something for my last bf but he even dumped me for not replying to text within 2 hrs (I was BUSY at work). then he dumped me Xmas Eve without warning after I shouted him a great 40th b’day 2 days before (well I think it was his 40th…his age changes with the seasons)…maybe he just wanted the leather jacket and other stuff i got him plus a free meal before he dumped me…squeeze what he could outta before the deed. He didn’t even dump me by text…I wasn’t worth that much even, he just changed his number and that was that. No thanks for all the help I gave (cuz I’m not worth that either). I wasn’t worth him telling the truth to me, I wasn’t worth being told he wasn’t coming to stay even though he promised he would and I bought him food and then would just be UNCONTACTABLE. So you see I’m not even worth the basic civil rights and behaviour that even a 2 yr old knows how to do. I wasn’t worth his love even though I THOUGHT THE ABSOLUTE WORLD OF HIM…I even saved his life (his words not mine) but I was worth NOTHING to him…only trash anyways.
Don’t even get me started on the guys before him who took being low scum to new heights. I’m not even worth being heard, my voice is meaningless, no means yes, walk all over me it’s ok I’m worth nothing. I have no rights cuz I’m not worth any (well I believe I am but apparently I’m NOT).