Falling in love is great, but that’s just it, it’s the falling that’s fun. The air in your face as you free fall into the glorious euphoria that is opening yourself up to someone and trusting them completely, but nobody thinks about after the fall, the landing. You crash face first into the ground and you’re broke. Someone once said that love is not kind, well I say that love hurts, but even with that hurt and that pain, you still have to remember the fall and all the happy memories, and you can fix yourself, but it’ll take time, but eventually you’ll fall again. You’ll bask in the glows of love and you’ll be tougher. Each and every time, you’ll be tougher. Nothing is certain, no happiness is guaranteed, the pain of missing someone will never go away. The thoughts of suicide drive at you every night, and the mention of their name will bring tears, but that’s just a fact of life that you’ll have to deal with.
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Ah if only a lost love was the driving force for my suicide. But still, back to love. Well, I ain’t going there ever again. In my community love = abuse, apparently. No been there too many times and it just isn’t worth it. Yes I miss my ex partner, yes I always will, yes I’ll always shed a tear over him, yes I’ll think of the what ifs, yes I’ll always be dumbfounded why I would get treated like shit, but love is no longer in my lexicon. I prefer shallow, casual arrangements without emotion…they’re safer!!!!