The air was so cold on that dreadful October night,
As I shivered in my thin blankets three,
I sat waiting for a call that would never come,
From someone who said they cared about me.
As the hours ticked on I worried that they were hurt,
It is a possibility you know,
But as I sat there a horrid thought crossed my mind,
As horrible as any I know,
This person never did know how to be late,
Not even for school or for work,
So how could someone I loved so very very much,
Turn out to be such a damn jerk,
Then my thoughts took a different approach,
And it was darker than last,
I hated it from the start and it hurt me real bad,
The voices I heard oft in my past,
The voices cut like razors,
The words stung like a bee,
“You’ll never be smart enough or pretty enough or Good enough,
And certainly not for the likes of me.”
As I sat counting the hours tick by,
I pondered while sitting locked in a silent nightmare,
Why I was even still here to be hurt,
And why I even bothered to care,
And as these words played around in my mind,
A silent thought cut through it all,
The silent knowledge that I was alone,
With nothing to break my fall,
And so with heavy heart I pulled out my blades,
And prepared to end my life,
And with heavy heart and deadly precision,
I cut myself deep to end my strife.
As I watched the blood drip from my wrists,
A sudden thought occurred to me,
If people understood how badly words hurt,
Would they have said all that to me?
As a pool of blood collects in my palm,
Another thought really hits home,
That even though I feel so lost,
I never am truly alone,
They say that 1 in 3 go through this in life,
And 1 in every 7 decide to end it all,
And as I sit thinking through all these things,
I receive a very random phone call..
It is an old acquaintance of mine,
And a very good friend to me,
Who had had a strange dream that I wasn’t okay,
And was calling just to see,
As I told her what was happening with tears in my eyes,
She listened, she heard, and she cared,
She said that I was as brave as a lioness for what I’d gone through,
And was really really grateful I shared,
Through the months and years after that time,
She continued to be there for me,
And even though I may not deserve that from her,
She gave me her time gratefully,
Because there was a time when she was in,
A very bad spot to be,
And when she was at her lowest point,
I showed her someone was always there.. Me.