Why cant we be happy too?

I just dont understand, its not that i dont want to, or dont have the will, but, i just want to stay and its so hard… I’m sorry of this is how you guys feel, i really am. I can’t help myself, i can’t save you, i just, well, i cant do anything. I can’t imagine going on like this, not without Makaila, she was my best friend, she was my anchor, she was my everything, but she had to leave us, not on her own choice, she had gotten in a car accident, a little over a month ago, and was dead on the scene, i remember getting on facebook tha day, to reading posts of get well soon for a Colton, in the car with her, and rest in peace, Makaila. My heart had instantly dropped, noty Malaila, it cant be true, and i didnt believe it, until i walked to where the crash was, only about a mile from my house, to see bits of metal, from an overturned car, and the bark scraped completely off the left side of the tree, i broke, i took a nice little cocktail of fuck you from life. So i went home, and made a cocktail of my own, a handful of different pills and medications i had found in my house, and just, down the hatch it went, i was so, empty, i dont even know how i gt how i am now. But im there. And well, with last night beng the last night i didnt message her goodnight, i guess, i want it to be a surprise when i see her… if i pissy out, i guess that’s that for now, but if I don’t, Bless all of your beautiful souls, and may peace fnd its way unto you, thank you for everything, even if nothng, thank you.