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A Failure and Dissapointment

by Lukas

2o14 has been the worst year of my life.  My psycho girlfriend miscarried our child in the beginning of this year and I have never been the same.  I’ve gone from being a social, funny, out going guy, to someone who stays away from everyone and doesn’t want to do anything anymore.  I tried doing nursing in college, which is what I really wanted to do, but failed out and am going for a degree in criminal justice with intent to be a police officer, but I don’t have the best past which might keep me from being one and I’ll end up wasting my time.  I’ve become a disappointment to my entire family.  My girlfriend doesn’t let me talk to any of my girl                   friends. emphasis on the space.  Every time I’m down and talk to her about it, she calls me annoying and stupid.  I have jerk friends who just want to hang out so they can see me get drunk and laugh at me.  They all make plans without me and stab me in the back. I am also in the MO National Guard and am about to head out for 6 months of training, but with social anxiety now, I am deathly terrified.  None of this even seems too much to be concerned about, but there is a lot more detail, and I just don’t want to waste anyone’s time.  I just wanted a place to right this down in case I decide to take my own life tonight or sometime soon, so I guess thanks for reading although it won’t really matter for me.


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TatteredWings 11/30/2014 - 11:02 am

“I tried doing nursing in college, which is what I really wanted to do, but failed out and am going for a degree in criminal justice with intent to be a police officer,…”

Sheesh, that is comforting to read. Just what we need on the streets: (more) mentally unstable police officers. Way to think responsibly.

As for the miscarriage: Seems like Nature’s way of saying “not just yet”. Doesn’t mean never. But from what little you write, it is obvious that you weren’t ready to be a parent.

lost 11/30/2014 - 12:43 pm

Lukas, man, why are you letting this girl and your “friends” treat you like that? Walk away from these people and don’t look back. If you’re worried about being lonely, I can tell you from experience that you’ll breath a sigh of relief and contentment when all that drama is out of your life.

Overcomer72 11/30/2014 - 12:54 pm

There is nothing you can do about the miscarrage. Its just something that happens and its not your fault or your girlfriends. Some children come out deformed, some come out prematurely, some die at birth. These are just things that happen in the world. Don’t beat yourself up over it and don’t blame your girlfriend either. Just take it for what it is. A medical problem. They sometimes happen. I would say if you really want to be a nurse then try try again.
Don’t give up on it if that is what you want to do. I know of some people who wanted to do something like become a lawyer and they went to law school but couldn’t pass the Bar Exam to get their license. But they kept studying and kept taking the test and finally got it after a while.

Michael Jordan didnt make the Basketball team in his highschool. But he kept practing on his own and went to basketball camp during the summer and got picked up for a college team.
then he went PRO. And now is known as one of the greatest players to every play the game of basketball. See he didnt give up

as far as the police officer. Before you go that route Go to a police station and tell them you are thinking that you would want to be a cop someday. Have them do a background check on you to see what is currently on your record and they can tell you if you have things on your record that would prevent you from becoming a cop or not. Dont waste a few years in criminal justie if you dont qualify for being a cop because of your past criminal record. Find out FIRST>

Studying Criminal justice does not guarantee you that you can become a cop. There are other requirements and a psychiatric evaluation is part of it. If youve been diagnosed with a mental disorder you cannot be a cop. And to be a cop you also have to go to police academy and go through all kinds of training and be in good physical shape and be able to handle yourself.

I think going back to the nurse route would be the better of the 2 options for you
you just have to try again. and really buckle down and study and meet the requirements for the job.

Good luck.

L4Y 11/30/2014 - 6:45 pm


I am sorry for everything you have experienced and are feeling, but perhaps it’s time to distance yourself from many of the people in your life, as it sounds like they are the cause of much of your unhappiness.


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