When I get up from being down I always try to get a new start. Make myself different like a new man. I try to get a new start to erase my mistakes. The next day everyone sees me, notices me. This kills me since I just want people to forget me. Remembering me is remembering my failures. So now instead of a new me people see a new failure to be made. How can I hold my head up high when every can see my flaws? A reason I would hate to die is because before I’m forgotten everyone would bring up the worst things about me. I can’t finish something and leave mark people laugh at.
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I suggest you pick up and move to a new location where people dont know about yoru past issues and you can start all over with a fresh start. I have done that like 4 or 5 times in my life and it always did me good. Startig over in a new place is a very positive experience > its like starting all over with a clean slate.
give it a try. Its a big world > there are lots of places to move to.