I’m out on 100,000 dollar bail right now. I’m facing a home invasion charge in Illinois which is a class x felony. The punishment if convicted is a minimum 6 to 30 years in the department of corrections. I am facing a death sentence. These alleged charges are total bullshit but regardless of the outcome I will come out the other side 10,000 dollars in debt from lawyers. I am 22 years old. For all intents and purposes This situation is going to cost me 6-30 years of my life. The courts are a mockery of justice in illinois. they are courts of conviction not justice. I was very close to killing myself in the lake county jail before i got bailed out. I was ready to give up. I started every day in my cell staring at the wall and fantasizing about my death. I was waffling between using the too small to cover your body sheet to make a noose for a leap from the second story balcony, to taking a swan dive from balcony head first into the concrete. for the 3 hours between the “breakfast” they served to when they let me out into the day room for 5 or less hours a day I battled the very serious thoughts of killing myself. I didn’t eat for literally October 10th till the 31st when i got bailed out. Bail is a joke too. they let out multiple convicted violent felons out on the lowest bonds you’ve seen. they shook down my family because i don’t live in the ghetto. they don’t decide bail on the merits of the case the prosecutor presents the “facts” of the case not the allegations. one could argue that I had nothing in there. I entered jail $20,000 dollars in credit card debt, no job(quit a job i hated more than anything in june) no true friends and basically losing anything ive ever worked for. the only thing that kept me from killing myself in there was my loving girlfriend jenny taking my phone calls from jail and supporting me. of my mother talking on the phone and writing me. It’s when you have nothing that you find who the true friends are. I wanted to give up and if I didn’t have the love from my parents and girlfriend i would have. I’m on 24/7 pretrial lockdown at my house. my mom got 5000 bucks together and borrowed another 5000 from my uncle to bail me out of jail. 10% of 100k. that money is gone. the courts just steal it. anyway now im out of jail. I can leave my home for work which i can do part time for my uncles sign business. he gave me a job partially to pay him back and court and meetings with my lawyer. Do you think I have anything to live for? Not really. I have 10000 in bail money to pay back 20000 in personal debt another 10000 in lawyer debt. the transmission on my car just shit out. ill have to file bankruptcy and ruin my 5 years of perfect credit history. ive never missed a payment. I had to have surgury on my hand because i was denied medical attention in there and my broken finger healed all wrong. ill still probably never have full use of my hand. another 3000 for that. If i beat this bs case im 43,000+ dollars in the hole and i have a highschool education. I can expect to pay for this shit till im 30 at least and then start from square zero. ill never retire and god forbid im convicted of a felony in the kangaroo court ill then have to work mcdonalds the rest of my life. I have nothing………..except the love of my life. a girl that loves and accepts me for me no matter what they say i did. a girl that doesn’t leave me just because im broke and in legal trouble. a girl that takes my phone calls from jail. a girl that stays with me as her parents tell her daily that im just a criminal loser that will just use her. of course he wants to talk to you they say. what else is he supposed to do in jail? a girl that stays by your side is all that a man ever needs to motivate himself for the future. be there for your man. if you love him unconditionally like my jenny does than tell him. listen to him. hear his problems. you don’t have to fix them. don’t tell him to talk to a therapist. he wants to talk to you. he needs you. he tells you because you are his world. The only thing a man needs to motivate himself is the unconditional love and support of his woman. just being there to listen and empathize is all he needs really. I still battle the demons of suicide. im facing a death sentence of hell on earth for 6-30 years. I won’t go back to that hell hole. if i ever do im taking a stroll across the line on a sunny day and they will shoot me dead but in the mean time my girlfriend being there for me and visiting me at my house on lockdown and providing a chance a the only future ive ever wanted is enough to keep me from doing it. talk about the future you want to have with him. talk to him about how youll miss him. he needs you. every sucidal person has one foot in the grave. ending the pain is easy if you don’t have the other one planted in life. the firmer the foot in life the better his chance of becoming strong enough to put the other foot back in life. the man with 1 foot in the grave and the other on the edge of the bridge is a goner. you need to make him feel alive. make the future a possibility again worth living for. I want children with my jenny. i want to be the one to make her smile and that will be enough to keep me alive for a long time to come. don’t be afraid to talk about it. youll regret not talking the rest of your life. true healing is talking with the ones you really love not a stranger. he needs you not someone else to pull him off the metaphorical bridge
Family & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NoteStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors
3 comments
Well You surely do have some big issues to deal with right now. I can understand you having depression over this or even being suicidal. Well you don’t want to jump bail because your family will be out all that money…. and you’ll eventually get caught > unless you plan to move to some 3rd world country for 10 years and live off the land incognito and out of the scope of organized policed areas.
So I don’t recommend that. The thing is that you have not gone to trial yet.
Do you have a God lawyer? Remember that they have to prove you are guilty beyond any possibility that you did not do it. So a good lawyer can either plea bargain and get you a lot less time or a good lawyer might even be able to get you off the charges if the prosecutor cannot prove that you did the crime beyond a shadow of a doubt. All your lawyer has to do is find a way to to show that you might not have been the one who did the crime and you can get off.
If I were you I would be spending time with your lawyer and going over your case and how he plans on defending you in court and what the evidence may be that they might have against you.
and then you have to go to trial…. see how it goes and then face the sentence if there is any.
I know its not going to be easy but your going to have to go through it. Make sure you don’t get into any trouble between now and your court case. Obey any rules or curfews they have given you while you are out on bail. Show up for court looking respectful…. and try to put on the appearance like you have been trying to better yourself as a citizen.
But a lot of this has to do with your lawyer and whatever evidence the prosecuting attorney may or may not have against you.
Don’t talk to anybody about the details of the case Except your Lawyer.
Lawyers have a confidential code they have to abide by
but if you talk to somebody else about issues that person could be summoned
don’t talk about the details of the case over the phone either, or by email.
“”they”” can listen into your calls or pull up emails > the powers that be can pull up
anything. Talk only to your lawyer face to face about your case and
stay out of trouble until the case comes to trial and
hope for the best. You never know > you case could be dropped
Lots of cases get dropped because the courts are sometimes overburdened and the
prosecuting attorney isn’t prepared or whatever.
So hang in there and Hope and Pray for the best
If you get called to the stand don’t say too much
just answer each question Yes or no > or with as few words
as possible > a lot of people get into trouble by things
they say either to the police or on the stand.
Let your lawyer do most of the talking and defending you
and I pray you have a good lawyer who will defend you properly.
very sound advice.also don’t post anything on any social networking sites or the like.good luck to you, john.
Yeah right now im in limbo. waiting on the state to turn over their supposed case prob dec 3. then can start formulating a defense. I never talk to the police about anything. I say talk to my lawyer when they ask literally anything including the weather. there are over 10,000 felonies. there is no exact count. you could inadvertently be committing any one of them at any time. for instance it is a federal crime to transport an animal across state lines in violation of any state law, federal law or even in violation of a law in another country. everything is illegal. the only crime is getting caught. laws are so broad they can find you guilty of pretty much anything. never talk to the police ever. you can’t talk your way out of jail only into jail.
Im not taking any bs plea deals. im facing a class x felony. the only worse crime is murder as far as felonies go. that means they need to plea it down from x all the way thru class 1,2,3,4 to an A,B,C,D misdemeanor. I’m not taking a deal. you take the deal and you pay them blood money for all the continuances. they overbook court by double and anyone with a pub defender gets a new court date. paid lawyers to the front. the court costs is shakedown money that goes to 30+ agencies you never heard of. state police county police, drug rehab, crime lab, margarita slush fund, etc etc etc. every new date they set you get about 500 bucks in court costs. only way to not pay court costs is a verdict of not guilty. 10% of bond money is taken of the top you never get that back. they keep it regardless of innocent guilty. they can appropriate all of it as they choose tho so basically gone. they can take it for fines or “court costs” there are people that have been sitting in the lake county jail for 2 years and haven’t even been formally indicted for a crime. they just set a new date every 2 weeks. even if you are innocent you end up copping to any crime they put in front of you to get the fuck out. the prosecuter can drop or cut a deal any time. that’s why they have a 98% cop out rate. 98 % of people take a fucked up deal and pay them blood money to avoid a huge sentence or sitting in jail for years before a trial. bond is another joke. even violating a village ordiance they could revoke my bond thro me back in jail and then i owe the full bond of 100k to get out and they set a new bond. it’s designed to get you to fuck up. there are 3 verdicts in lake county. guilty, more guilty, and guilty till proven innocent.
the jail is a torture facility. they turn the air on at night to 40 degrees. you get a too small blanket and sheet. the food is pig slop and they leave the lights on 24/7 you can’t visit face to face the phone calls are highway robbery that the jail and the phone company split. $2.50 to connect and then 20 cents a minute. the guards are sadist fucks that bang on the windows every 30 minute all night. they do whole jail lockdowns for a week. sometimes you don’t get a shower for a week. I would rather be dead than pay them blood money. they just paid out a 2.9 million settlement for murdering this guy the guard broke his neck and threw him in his cell and he died. another woman went on a hunger strike for 2 weeks and died of malnoursment. she passed out and they deemed she was faking it and threw her back in. if you are poor or black you are guilty no 2 ways about it. if you have money to fight it you have a chance. it’s not justice its a crime against humanity in progress. they just want your money and they are very good at getting it