Suicide date

Last year i decided to have a suicide date but i couldn’t really decide then i made a list, a list of thing i have and haven;t done and i have a lot of things i haven’t done and that list became like a bucket list for me, the title “Things before my suicide date”. The date i never really had a date all i knew is that i would wait till i’m 18 and that maybe by then things will be great, so i’m really hopping that things get great by then but if it doesn’t i already know what to do, it’s like a little promise i made with myself to hang on there till i’m 18… 4 more years waiting then i can finally do what have been in my mind for so long right now i really don’t see anything becoming better, everything is worst then it was before, i really can’t see myself as the happy girl that i was before. just 4 years, 4 years then i’m done