I just don’t get life. I try to change myself to make me feel better and the people around but it only lasts for such a long time. I broke up with my boyfriend so he could do better but apparently he needs the support from someone because he’s a dependent person. And I am not. I just don’t get how he gets mad every single time I meet some new guy or something, I’m always telling him that I love him and I try to show it as much as I possibly can but it just doesn’t seem to work. And I’ve told him I only want him and that I love him and he loves me too, there’s not doubt in my mind that he loves me. He tells me he’s in love with me and I love him very much but I just don’t know. He tells me he wants a future with me and of course that’s what anyone wants to hear but I’m not ready for that. He’s my first real boyfriend, well was, and I haven’t had anyone else. I tell him that I don’t want anyone else, but there’s this damn part of me that does and he told me that he wants me to “test the waters”. I feel like I should to get the feel of that but then he gets mad. And he tells me that he’s not over his ex, well he still likes her. And I tell him that if you love a person you’re not supposed to “like” or “love” somebody else. I keep telling him to go back to her and finish with her but he doesn’t and he say he thinks that I tell him this so I can get a different bf. I am single, but I don’t want anyone else. I just don’t understand it, nobody can ever be happy with whatever change I try to make in order to benefit them! Not only is my “change” for me, it’s for people around me. And I don’t get if I’m right or wrong. I just don’t get this fuckery of life and I hate to say that I hate living, because it’s supposed to be a super fun experience, I mean you’re living! Breathing, Moving. Be happy right? People tell me that all the time. “Why are you so sad all time just get over it” but the thing is, What if I don’t want to live and breathe and move anymore. What if I’m finished with it all. Then I won’t have to change, then I won’t have to argue with my ex all the time, then I can truly begin to live. I can finally be me.
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7 comments
Sorry you’re feeling so down =/ It sounds like you and your ex have a lot of unhelpful communication going on… The jealousy he has like you describe it sounds a bit unhealthy, but if he’s insecure about your feelings toward him that probably doesn’t help. It’s clear though that he doesn’t actually want you to “test out the waters” even if that seems like a logical thing to do. He may also be saying he’s not over his ex to hurt you, but it also might be true. I think it is possible for someone to love two people at once, and if he still cares about her it doesn’t lessen his feelings for you at all.
I know I’m not helping too much or offering great advice, but just see if you can step back and figure out what he really wants, because his words don’t necessarily sound like they’re matching his intentions! Same with you, if you know you don’t want anyone else, then you should fight for what you do want 🙂 Good luck!!
It’s wonderful of you to try changing yourself for the better, but in my opinion what you need to do is put more emphasis on the underlying motive of changing: for yourself. And if that isn’t your prime motive then it must be. In the end, it isn’t your fault what kind of person he is and how his needs are different than yours and that you aren’t able to fulfill his needs. He seems insecure and until he satisfies that he won’t ever be in a comfortable relationship – when you’re insecure no matter how much validity you receive it will never be enough. It was right of you to break up with him, that relationship seemed unhealthy if he was never satisfied with you as you were. You deserve someone that recognizes your effort and truly acknowledges your care for them. Wishing you the best
Or maybe what you and the writer needs to realize russo is that there may have been a root issue caused by said people. For example if you cheat on someone, dont expect them to be happy or not jealous when you show attention that should rightfully bed theres to another person. or if you constantly lie, then the person may always expect you to lie. Oh and if you say you care, and everytime there is an issue you take it out on them, well it just makes for an uncomfortable show. If you truly want to be with someone you need to meet there needs, empathize and sympathize with the issues they have and try to be there for them. Because a lot of people in this world end up with thoughts that arent necessarily true, and our jobs as there partner is to show them the truth. Not to treat them harshly and deject them, but be there for them when they do and dont need us. it makes a bond stronger. God why does everyone ***** about shit and then do nothing to fix the issues?
insecurities do not just happen over night, if someone is insecure around you it is caused by something you did
It could be something a previous partner did too though; my first boyfriend kind of traumatized me for life so now everyone else has to pay the price for the insecurities he forced into my dumb little brain lol
PS, your an idiot crimson. If you love him and he loves you why did you break up with him ” to help him do better” if you guys fucking love eachother being together is the best for both of you. Shit of course he gets jealous when you meet other guys, he fucking loves you and wants you. He doesnt want you to test the waters. yes he wants you to be happy and do what you want to in life, and you mislead him every single time you say you only want him and that you love him, because your actions contradict that. Fuck if you want to stop arguing with him then fucking be with him, thats it plain and fucking simple, dont break up, dont hunt for other people, if you fucking love him BE WITH HIM. jesus.
try to keep it copescetic