I… What do i want? What exactly is it that would like to do or pursue? I had the full complete chance of running away, but i stayed. I stayed because i knew what i wanted to seek can be sought anywhere and my running away, in that regard, is a hypocritical move. But now that i’ve stayed, even my seeking seems to have stopped. I couldn’t imagine my life without seeking, and now I’m living it. Or am i? I think deep down i still do crave for seeking. How to get fulfillment? What is it that will fulfill me? There must be something, isn’t it? There must be something for which i am craving and because of the lack of which i am suffering. There HAS TO be something. It always seems within hand’s reach but i am never able to touch it.
Or is it just the desire of perfection? Perhaps there isn’t anything like that and it is all meaningless. Maybe there isn’t any particular reason for my suffering and it’s just how human nature is – to crave.
But i can’t seem to accept it. Every moment of my life I crave for that.. that.. touch of.. ultimate… Idk.
Or is it just my dream world.
I am going to get it, there is no doubt about that. This is the only honest thing in my life. This is my philosopher’s stone, my midas touch. The only thing i want, the only thing i am living for.
I started in a sober state and now am already drunk. I can’t write honestly now. Maybe some other time.