i’ve always been someone who needs to be someone to other people, you know? having lots of friends who depend on and trust me has been the thing that keeps me going and makes me appreciate myself and my life. i don’t know when exactly i ran out of energy to spend on other people. why did that happen? at some point i became insanely apathetic. i had no energy to try and take care of everyone anymore. i lost my purpose, my calling in life and people got mad at me for not caring enough. why did i become such a bad friend? now i’m background noise to all the people i used to mean something to. i just exist. i’m a memory, i’m someone you pass by in the hallway sometimes but never make eye contact with. there’s only one person left. he is everything. things aren’t getting better, i’m still really detached and numb. i don’t think i can be good enough for him much longer.
i’m really tired. when i eventually lose the one thing i have left i won’t waste any more energy trying to keep going. the end is coming closer. i don’t know what to do.