So, it seems like if one wants to lay it all out there this is the place.
Ok, I hate life. I don’t enjoy things like most people seem to. I am a SWM, 42, and I can’t dance because I feel like a fool, and really feeling like a fool is essentially my basic state of mind most of the time. I also have trouble eating, which has a very long childhood story to it. I have a very hard time trying new foods, cant just eat it anyway to be polite, and often cant even eat foods I normally like if they are prepared in a way I’m not used to.
I have no friends. Well, I guess I did, or even still do, but I dont feel close to any of them, and cant talk to them about important things. Need I say, no girlfriend. Honestly, the loneliness is the real killer. I havent held a girl in my arms in 3 years, and I havent had a girlfriend that I was serious about in over 20. I think about all the stupid corny stuff and that is what I miss. Holding hands, kissing, spooning. I am not ugly, just short and thin and that is bad for a man. I have tried dating sites and blind dates, but I really believe that American women are conditioned by evolution, and by extention society, to be very judgemental. I have often overlooked some quirk I disliked not wanting to throw out the baby with the bathwater, but I feel like the timiest shortcoming on my part is a non-starter. So, no hope for love.
I cant have fun. I grew up a geek and I think it just happened too many times that just as I became comfortable some jerk would humiliate me. Now I dont trust anyone, especially not those fickle, icy females. So no good relationships. What’s left?
I am incapable of having fun, or even of feeling open in public, can’t dance, never learned to swim, never learned to fight, no real hope of finding a partner or love or even real friendship…
Doesnt it reach a point where it is simply better to cut your losses and give up what small happinesses might remain to avoid the daily pain?
There is lots more, but that is already too much for now.
6 comments
Reading your post made me realize…….. This is the future me, if I live to be 42 of course (God I hope I don’t)
We’re not far away in age and we share some similarities in our stories. Granted, there are some differences, too. I’ll cut through the similarities and differences by skipping to your closing thought about cutting your losses. Personally, I’ve been down that road and I’m probably still going down that road. A few years ago, I was inpatient for a few weeks. Then I became homeless. Now I’m pretty much an island of one. Friendless. Literally. I understand trust issues well. There is a roof over my head which I immensely appreciate.
I realize that my biological clock is ticking. Milestones (marriage, career, home ownership, children, etc.) should have been accomplished by now. Maybe not all of them, but at least some. But I don’t give up. In the back of my mind, I’m not fully confident. But I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist, I work with a therapist, and I’m on medication. I do my best to maintain the faith. Maybe, at some point, I’ll be able to live the life that many other people lead. That’s what keeps me moving forward.
To answer your thought: Don’t cut your losses. See what help is out there. If you don’t try, you might never know.
You sound like a good guy, though you sound incredibly insecure. You need to get out, have fun on your terms. Pick up some healthy hobbies and try to find girls who share similar interests. My boyfriend told me that I came into his life when he was at his lowest. He felt foolish, unmotivated, ugly and at the verge of being homeless. This blew me away because when I met him, he was beaming with confidence and kindness. It wasn’t until later in our relationship did he tell me his feelings and that he was going to end it all.
If he did kill himself, I would have missed out on my future now. Listen, I know you feel hopeless and that time is running out, but don’t focus on that. And don’t isolate yourself. Go out, meet new people. Make it your personal mission to enjoy the life you have now.
Best wishes
Thank you for the encouragement. Other people are one of the main reasons that I dont want to be here. There are, in my experience if not in fact, more small minded, selfish people than open-minded, educated people. And unfortunately, because that type of person is a win-at-all-costs personality, he is willing to lie or cheat for any advantage. I think that people like that are running America, and probably the rest of the world too. Even the people that I work with, I hate them. The secretary is a former prom queen with a tremendous sense of entitlement, and the other mechanic is a bigot. (everything is gay or a n@$&er) The boss is educated, but not thoughtful, but he is the best one and I like him a lot, but I hate the way he lets his wife and other workers talk to him. And I really did try getting out – joined a local pool league. Most people were personable, but would still act childish and overly emotional during games. My own team member once yelled at me for honestly correcting the call on the table in favor of our opponents. So much for sportsmanship and the fun of the game! Anyway, I am sorry to rant on, I know you were trying to be nice, and you were being nice and for that I thank you. When fun is work, its just too far gone. Again, sorry and thanks.
All single white males are in fact fools when they try to dance. Guess what; all males are in fact fools when they try to dance (unless they are heavily educated). Guess again; no woman cares. You can walk around the dancefloor acting like you’re big bird from sesamestreet with a broken leg and every women (with or without a boyfriend) will be interested. I bet my ass of that you can ask any woman who they like more; the guy who is standing on the sideline or the guy who moves like big bird.
Women want the same thing as men; To be trusted, to be taken care of, to be in a loving relationship, to have deep conversations, to be amazed, to be respected. Well, don’t we? Any woman who want’s a chippendale resembles a guy who wants a big blonde bimbo, in my humble opinion a waste of my time.
I know it’s not easy but get in clear with who you are. You don’t have to be brad pitt, you must be in balance with yourself.
this white male would make big bird look like fred astair. you females may not care, but you laugh as hard as anyone else.