Nothing is easy. Secrecy is even harder

I’m not sure why I’m feeling the way I am.   When I made my decision and came up with the plan, I felt relieved.   When I took the first step and bought a burial plot in the small cemetery where my father is buried, I felt I had accomplished something concrete.   I already have rough drafts of my letters written, and decisions made on where and how.   I’m just waiting for one more (unwanted) event to occur, after which no one will need me anymore.  Yesterday I went out and ordered my headstone, which looks just like my  dad’s, except that I wanted to put a small cat’s head design in a lower corner, because I’m hoping that somewhere I’ll be re-united with the ones I’ve buried over the years.    I just wanted people to be able to tell that I was a cat lover.  Then I learned that the cemetery will not allow any non-religious designs anywhere on the stone.  It seems like such a minor thing to ask for, yet is such a disappointment.  Logically, of course, it shouldn’t bother me, considering I won’t be around anymore and I know I’m doing what has to be done, but I’ve been really bummed out since yesterday and there’s no one else I can tell.  If you took the time to read this, thanks for letting me tell someone.