Tonight I can’t help it.
I’ve been trying to avoid all these thoughts that keep running through my head. But I can’t stop them. They keep intruding.
I’m scared of myself. I’m afraid if I’m left alone I’ll let these thoughts take over. That I won’t be able to hold back anymore. That I’ll finally go through with ending my life. I can’t take it anymore.
I don’t want to be left alone by myself. I’ll be lost if I am. Save me. Someone please just save me from myself. Otherwise I’ll truly disappear.
20 comments
honey, don’t. I’m having the same issue st this exact moment. Just think of someone or something that you will miss will miss you dearly. I may not know who you are but I don’t want you to take you’re life. I love you and everyone else on this website. So just know you have this weirdo stranger right here that will miss you. In the end, it could be worse than it is now. Stay strong. <3
Thank you, you’re post made me smile. And yeah I know there are so many people who love me and would miss me, maybe that’s the only thing that’s prevented me so far all these years.
And I’m sorry you’re also dealing with something similar. I wish no one else had to feel this way. I wish I could take everyone else’s pain so they wouldn’t have to feel that way anymore. I’d rather I be the only one that has to deal with it, because I can’t bear to see others suffer so much.
I feel the same way sometimes tbh. But all I can say for you, myself and everyone else that sees this comment is that it gets better, I promise.
I really hope so as well. I hope that time will fix everything.
Avoiding thoughts that run and run. Sometimes physical exercise can help to put down the thoughts for a while. Just get up and move..walk…jog…etc. Or talk to a friend, family member or call a suicide hotline. I guess you’d google the phone number. National Suicide Prevention Hotline.
I’ve done all of that. I even have a therapist I see. The problem with avoiding the thoughts is that they come back. As soon as I stop, even for a second, they will come back.
And I think I saw another post that said if you call the hotline you should be ready for cops to show up at your house. I don’t really want that.
But thank you anyways 🙂
Hi rose, I am going through exactly what your going through.. its gotten so bad that after all these years bottled up I exposed it to everyone I know.. which has made it even worse. This website has helped me a bit to vent out my problems and get some feedback from other people in similar situations.. tell me, what is truly causing you this pain? what happened to make you feel this way?
Well I’ve had depression since I was about like 8 years old. Finally last year I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist and was put on medication. I don’t know though, everything was fine until last month. I can’t say there is a particular reason as to why I’m feeling this way, but I can’t stop it. Everyday it just gets worse and worse. I try to stop it, really I do. I’ve been dealing with this for 12 years, and I’ve managed to get this far. Yet I’m so tired, I don’t want to deal with it anymore. No matter how hard I try it keeps coming back. Last year it was so bad that I had to drop my whole semester two weeks before it ended. That was finally when I got help. But nothing is helping. I’m so scared of myself because as soon as I’m left alone I’m afraid I’ll finally do something I might regret.
I also really share your pain.. I also fought for many years before I started to feel like I didn’t want to keep going. I think for me it was realising yes I can cope, but do i want to :(. Maybe you could tell your therapist? All the best..
Thank you, and I’m sorry that you had to go through this too.
And that’s so true, I realize that I can move forward and cope, but sometimes I just don’t want to anymore. I’m not a bad student, I’m not hated by others, on the contrary I have amazing people around me and I can easily become friends with others. Yet, I just wish it could all end. I feel like I am my own worst enemy.
And yeah, I probably will talk to my therapist when I see her next week. I hope it’ll turn out ok.
There is a lot of positive encouragement for you on this post from kind people.
Youve got to find positive things to get involved in when your feeling don to take you mind
off the bad things and youve got to learn to control your mind. Think Positively
Think Optimistically. Believe things can get better. Dont dwell on the past pains.
have a moving forward attitude.
Have a things are going to get better attitude.
that will make all the difference
Goodluck
Thanks, and I’ve been trying to do that. But sometimes it just gets too much. I even started a blog because I thought it would help. And there are times where I get much better, and I feel happy. Yet inevitably the depression comes back. I’ll be doing amazing and it’ll come back. It doesn’t need a reason to be there, it just comes. I just wish it was like a physical illness that just went away but it’s not.
And I will try to get through this, so thank you for your comment and concern.
I have this same problem.. mine come in waves.. iv been reading alot of different comments on different subjects and their all the same. Try talking to someone. Try distracting yourself.. and its bullshit nothing workes iv tryed and tryed and im tierd.. im tierd of trying im tierd of living with my stupid fucking thoughts in my fucking head
I know right? I’ve talked to people, I have a therapist and psychiatrist, I’m on medication, I’ve also had to go to the psych ward because my first medication caused me to hear voices. Yet nothing, absolutely nothing is stopping these thoughts. If something is making a difference, it’s very little. If I try to ignore the thoughts, that’s simply avoiding the problem, and they come back. No matter how amazing I’ll be doing, they will come back. It’s like they’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.
What do you think about when your alone?
Just thoughts of hurting myself, of dying. It’s kind’ve better now, last year it was so horrible it was like I was living in hell. Everywhere I looked I could immediately come up with a way to commit suicide. I felt like I was going crazy. Right now though, when I get depressed I lose motivation to do anything. I end up feeling worthless. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t even want to get out of my bed. I feel so much worse, I feel so worthless. I mean I know deep down inside I’m not worthless, but I can’t help it. And then I think of all the people around me, and how much it would hurt them to know how I hurt myself. I feel guilty, I feel afraid. I recently got into a car accident like a month and half ago. I was completely fine, and I told my friend I kind’ve wish I hadn’t survived. She got angry at me, like that’s not you, stop thinking like that. It made me feel worse, because I know I shouldn’t think like that, but I can’t help it. And the fact is I was suicidal when I was 8, and 13 years later I’m still suicidal. I often think of how it might of been better if I had gone through with it back then.
Sorry for the long rant.
Iknow how you feel. I lose all motivation too i cant do anything but just lay in my bed in the dark i like the dark i like sleeping i wish i could sleep all the time but when i wake up im sad i woke up. Im like you i know i shouldn’t be like this i wish i wasnt ..i wish i didnt have feelings then maybe i wouldn’t be like this.. i just dont want to do this anymore im tierd..
I know right? I really really wish I wasn’t like this. I end up screwing everything up. I know I’m not really like that, that if I try I can do so many amazing things, it’s not like I don’t have potential. I just don’t want to. I’m sick of it. Sick of all of it. I’m glad I have feelings though, I’ve experienced having absolutely no emotions at all, not anger, not happiness, not sorrow, not joy, not pain, nothing, just emptiness. It makes me wonder if I’m really dead or if I’m alive, which ends up in me self-harming because at least then I know I’m alive. Ironic though, isn’t it? I wish I was dead, yet at the same time I cause myself pain to know I’m alive.
Like you, I’m just tired of it all. I just want it to end. I just want it all to stop =/
Ugh i know how you feel rose. iv never felt the feeling of no emotions tho. Sometimes i wish i would tho.. if you want you can email me? justin_ evans @ aol
I want to say I’m glad someone understands, but I really don’t. It makes me sad to know other people feel like how I do.
I don’t know, I wouldn’t say having no emotions is even remotely comforting. It’s horrible. It makes me feel like an empty shell. I’d rather be depressed and sad than feel nothing at all. Though I guess if I feel nothing I won’t feel bad if I killed myself, because I wouldn’t be able to feel guilt.
I’ve also sent you an email! you can email me back at moonlitrose34 @ gmail