So I spent the first moments of the new year on the phone to Lifeline (a UK service) and the only thing they were interested in was persuading me there’s reason to live or having me committed.
But what if you’re past that point? What if you’re determined to die and just want to talk to someone impartially? I feel it’s disrespectful to completely ignore the suicidal persons issues or pretend they don’t exist just to be a hero(ine).
So I’m still here questioning my suicide method, to sit drunk at the edge of a tower block, take a cocktail of tablets, then inhale a huge amount of chloroform and fall backwards 150ft onto concrete. Would I suffer through this method? If I survived the impact would the chemicals prevent the doctors from saving me?
It’s weird to think this life of failure and misery could be ended tonight, I just hope it’s over quickly and there are no surprises on the other side.
3 comments
Call the Samaritans- they are kind and will listen to you as long as you need. They won’t tell you what to do, but will be there for you. I hope you will make it through the night.
whats on the other side is any ones guess.. but there is that side. when we die we will have someone or something to answer too.. and for any action, there is a reaction. it would be nice though, committing suicide and waking up in a perfect world with a spirit saying sorry you didn’t enjoy the experience on earth, you are home now in eternal bliss and pleasure! haha
I’m sorry. Cheapest two words, but I don’t care.
If the suicide thing never works out – you never go through the movements, take the pills, jump off, etc – then try lucid dreaming. Google it if you don’t know. It takes practice, but it’s a wonderful experience in the end. Create your own little universes in your head. I’m quite giddy in the evenings, because I have a few hours of dreaming ahead.
Tip, though – if your dreams ever get a bit weird or creepy for your tastes, then just off yourself in your dreams. Jump off a cliff and wake up in your own earthly miserable cold grey bleak bed.
Ha ha. I’m sorry. Really sorry. This isn’t helpful, I know. I feel a bit odd right now.