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The Ignorance of ‘family’

by Lsari

The absolute gall of my family members is atrocious. They berate me for everything I do (of which I do very little since I try to mind my on bloody business).

I went through absolute mental hell this year for my final year at uni, for some effed up reason, I managed to pass (seriously have no idea how), so imagine my utter disbelief when I get my uni assessment marks in the post and find out I passed everything, I was on the verge of disbelief, sorrow, joy and all other kinds of bewilderment but overall was generally approving of the situation. My ass hat family members, grabbed my assessment sheet and then proceeded to thoroughly kill any semblance of joy I may have been foolish enough to feel.

My step brothers mocked my marks, calling me all kinds of de-humanizing terms, the rest of my family laughed and basically told me that no one would hire my worthless ass anyway.

My whole life they have always degraded me, any thing I achieve is instantly crushed by them.

The absolute worst part of it all: I believe it.

I hate them. I hate myself even more so. I wish I wasn’t so emotionally/mentally broken. My only dream has been to move out and live on my own and never, ever, see those ‘family’ members ever again. But I don’t feel I can hold out long enough, I don’t think I can take any more of this shame, humiliation and bullying by them. I don’t have any confidence in my abilities to get and hold a job. I will use the last of whatever I have left to try and make that dream true.

I wish I could believe that last sentence…

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2 comments

5 seconds of stendarr 12/22/2014 - 6:37 pm

you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself and believe the words of others that seemingly don’t care about you, you even know that their belligerency isn’t founded on logic but rather on emotional resentment for whatever reason. You should be proud of yourself, you passed! 🙂 The fact that you passed in itself cannot be diminished by any words, you passed and that is that, no one can take that victory away from you. There is always ways in which anything can be improved upon, but those that seek to attain perfection lose sight of the valuable things they already possess and in turn they never get to enjoy them. Enjoy the fact that you passed, it’s wonderful and you deserve it. If I were you I wold cut all ties with them, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. Their perspectives of you don’t impact who and what you are. If they think you’re a ‘failure’ then that’s their opinion, but no matter what they think it doesn’t change the fact that you passed and therefore are not a failure. You need to surround yourself with more positive people that recognize your value

5 seconds of stendarr 12/22/2014 - 6:39 pm

even if you didn’t pass you wouldn’t be a failure as long as you tried your best, and even if your best meant you literally failed it doesn’t make you a failure as a person. Maybe a failed student, yeah, but that’s punk, right? ha, nah, congrats on passing

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