The absolute gall of my family members is atrocious. They berate me for everything I do (of which I do very little since I try to mind my on bloody business).
I went through absolute mental hell this year for my final year at uni, for some effed up reason, I managed to pass (seriously have no idea how), so imagine my utter disbelief when I get my uni assessment marks in the post and find out I passed everything, I was on the verge of disbelief, sorrow, joy and all other kinds of bewilderment but overall was generally approving of the situation. My ass hat family members, grabbed my assessment sheet and then proceeded to thoroughly kill any semblance of joy I may have been foolish enough to feel.
My step brothers mocked my marks, calling me all kinds of de-humanizing terms, the rest of my family laughed and basically told me that no one would hire my worthless ass anyway.
My whole life they have always degraded me, any thing I achieve is instantly crushed by them.
The absolute worst part of it all: I believe it.
I hate them. I hate myself even more so. I wish I wasn’t so emotionally/mentally broken. My only dream has been to move out and live on my own and never, ever, see those ‘family’ members ever again. But I don’t feel I can hold out long enough, I don’t think I can take any more of this shame, humiliation and bullying by them. I don’t have any confidence in my abilities to get and hold a job. I will use the last of whatever I have left to try and make that dream true.
I wish I could believe that last sentence…