What language does one choose when all is lost? When the thought of ending ones life is the only safety net left. I’ve been here before. Wandering the shores of hopelessness. Whirling in the abyss. Aching for an end. Devoid of hope. Lost. Broken. Forgotten. Burning. Empty. Numb.
I see all these people who seem to have it together. They somehow understand life. They somehow understand their purpose. I never figured any of that out & I feel myself being left further & further behind.
I had hope. I had dreams. I was once a little girl with blonde curls & a fierce passion for life. Stubborn. Smart. Passionate. Curious. I could have become something. I could have been someone.
4 comments
You write very well. Articulate. And you are someone. You do matter.
S.T.U.M.R.,
I agree – you write very well. And you are somebody and can still “become something.” Yes, life seems to “come easier” to some people, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a place in the world for people like us, either. I hope you’ll give that some thought.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
I don’t think I had as much potential as you as a child, I never exhibited any talents or skills that are meant to breed usefulness, but I understand your sentiment. most people do have the potential to utilize themselves and strive to improve the things they lack and eventually cultivate themselves into something useful. (in my case there was nothing to work with in the beginning) variables that are an integral part of life come and influence people, damaging their ability to harness their potential and sometimes it destroys it all together. everyone walks a different path and I suppose I envy those that walk a path where they are able to feel happiness and have the ability and motivation to attain happiness. i see myself as an example for others, the epitome of a failure and something for others to feel good about themselves upon seeing me. it feels good to know you’re doing better than someone sometimes. in school I used to feel so successful when I would do my work and get good grades and seeing those that neglected their work get failing grades, maybe that’s wrong of me, idk. then I eventually played the role as the useless failure, life is funny sometimes.