deep in the nothin

So this feeling is so, not painfull, not happy, no wanting 2 die, yet cant live…iv gotten on my feet the best i could only to get knocked down multiple times id like 2 drink, or do some h. Smoke myself to bliss. Its not drugs that is doin this 2 me thats just how i cope. Searching for a god who speaks through a book i try very hard 2 understand. Cant give up, but cant go passed this. Was i born like this? Did u do this to me?…….tried so hard but did i try the right way. Nah i couldnt have. Is it all my fault?Ur words are visible scars, u guys effect me in ways noone should b able 2. Just the most random persons words have thrown me to dust and ash. emptyness inside holds nothin bust smoke. A soul so lost in this human delusion. Lookin in ur eyes for an answer but ur eyes look away and im once again stuck in a hole of lonlyness. Im houdini n iv mastered disappearing into a void abyss masked by the shadows cast from the humans blocking me from the light. Even the most intricate wordplay does not catch the ears of something beyond, im still here n i still feel the same…..thank u for all this nothing,