Soooo…first off, I wanted to thank all the people that gave me all of their encouraging comments on my last post, and in general. (which was about a week ago)
That was when I was hospitalized. I didn’t have my phone..and there were two computers to use the internet, which was crappy, but I think I would’ve thrown a red flag out there had I gotten on here, so I waited until I was out. Today I got discharged from the hospital, and I just wanted to talk about my experience.
So I was terrified when I first went there, I went voluntarily but I was still scared shitless. My family didn’t know I was suicidal, and my parents were overseas. So the day of, I told my therapist I was being suicidal for the past week, knowing full well she’d make me go to the psych ward. What I wasn’t anticipating was that I couldn’t go home first and talk to my family about it and then go. So I basically had to call my brother and sister-in-law over the phone and tell them I was being suicidal. Something that no one but my therapist previously knew of. And the fact that I’d been suicidal for a while. I was terrified of how they were going to react, but one way or another I got through it, was admitted to the hospital, and my family became very supportive of me. Even when my parents came back yesterday, I was terrified of how they were going to react because they didn’t know I was in the hospital, I was terrified they would hate me and think I’m crazy, but it turned out I was simply just over-thinking things, and things ended up much better than I hoped.
The hospital itself. I made new friends. For the first time in my life I felt like I was surrounded by people who understood completely what I was going through, because they were all there for the same reason. Even though I only spent a week, I made lots of friends. I was able to talk about my problems, which helped a lot. And even though thought’s of suicide and self-harm still remained, they weren’t as strong and I felt some form of safety being in a place where I knew I could still commit self harm if I REALLY wanted to, but it was much much harder to do. Actually it was interesting because some of us would discuss it, and how weird some of the rules were, but I didn’t do anything.
It was a bit uncomfortable, especially when sleeping, because they had to keep checking up on you like every 15 mins. Even when you were in the shower.
Other than the fact that I gained like 7 lbs, it was a good experience. A lot of my stress was relieved, I was given a place to do things I might’ve once enjoyed, and I was able to freely talk to others like myself without being afraid.
I don’t know, I hope this can help someone. If you’re feeling suicidal, I don’t know if it will work for you, because I do realize how fortunate I am, but going to the hospital is not as scary as it seems. And even though the feelings of depression still somewhat remain, because it’s not like they’ve magically disappeared after a week, at least now I do feel better and happier than I did a week ago. And that’s saying something.
But thank you to all of you who have been with me so far, I don’t know if I would’ve even made it, or would’ve even considered going to the hospital if it wasn’t for some of you guys on here.
(and if you read all of that…you’re super duper awesome)
Hi…I don’t know if I’ve responded to you before. I’m probably not familiar to you. Sorry. But anyway, it’s wonderful that the hospital has helped. Hopefully it’s the boost you need to live confidently. You even sound happier, just from your writing.
I know it’s self-centered to talk about myself. I stayed in a psych ward for a week back in September. Non-voluntary (I’m a minor). So I can sort of relate to you. I remember soothing color schemes, odd rules (it is creepy to have psych associates peek in your window every so often!!), and lots of teens with similar struggles. Bead crafts, quiet music, etc. I’m not a cheery go-getter quite yet – good days and bad days – but I’m getting there.
Anyway, best of luck 🙂 I don’t know you, your background, your pain, etc – but here’s to your life. Sorry, cheesy cliche……
Thank you! And no I don’t think we’ve talked before, but that’s ok, now we have 😀
It’s not really self-centered to talk about yourself, if you want to talk go ahead, I can listen 🙂
Yeah I understand what you mean. I mean I’m doing much much better than I was when I entered there, but it’s not like all of my thoughts just went away. It helped, and I guess I’m just naturally super happy so that helps too haha.
Awesome! Glad it was a good experience for you and helped you abit. Now time to focus on becoming that famous architect! !
Haha thanks krazy!
Yup now to focus on becoming that amazing architect 😉
Still a long road…but I will get there one day hopefully 🙂
High five =D I knew that you’d make it! I’m so super happy now because I was thinking about you and sending you my good energies 🙂 It’s so damn good to hear from you! I have friends from hospital too and many stories to tell 🙂 Give some time to yourself and believe me, if you’ll keep thinking about that place and keep to meds if you have got any, within a few weeks your suicidal thoughts may disappear. Much love to you and feel free to contact me whenever you’d feel like! 🙂 vorkonzert @ gmail . com
And I believe that it is a new start for you 🙂 As krazykaze said, now it is high time you became a famous architect! 😉 Damn I am so happy for you 🙂
*high five back*
aww thanks littlebead :’)
And I hope they do completely disappear. They’ve faded away mostly.
And I’m taking the semester off, and my professor gave me an extension on my incomplete from last semester on that project I was supposed to do but didn’t finish. so yay, time for me 😀
And yes in the future hopefully I will become a famous architect. Actually it’s ok if I’m not famous, as long as I get to do something I love!
This is fabulous news! Very happy for you. Glad it worked better than you expected it would.
Thank you 🙂
Ah it’s so nice to hear such a good experience! I’m glad you pulled through. You’ve somewhat inspired me not to be too scared about hospital.
Thanks! It’s really not that scary. I think it’s worse if you go there involuntarily. And I think what helped me the most wasn’t exactly the doctors or anything but the people I was surrounded with, and the fact they understood and could relate to me, because they were there for similar reasons 🙂
I know just how you felt, being with other people that you didn’t have to explain being suicidal to, people who understood, that you could talk to freely. I went through the same many years ago.
I laugh sometimes when I realize that a mental institution was the first place I felt accepted, like I belonged. It still feels that way. It’s hard being around people who have no clue what it’s like.
We all need to support and love each other. It means a lot to each of us. We are more alive and sensitive than regular folks. It’s hard when they try to stiffle who we really are.
Kudos to you and all the best.
Right? Doesn’t it feel ridiculous? I felt right in place there, I was actually kind’ve sad to leave behind the new friends I made, and the place where I felt most understood.
But yes, I agree, and thank you 🙂
First of all: Welcome back! I’ve been thinking of you every day since you went to the hospital, so it’s good to hear from you 🙂
I’m so, so happy to know that your stay helped you! I’m also very glad to hear that your family have been so supportive of you since you told them how you truly feel. Thank you for sharing your experience here — I’m sure it will help others who are in a similar situation 🙂 Please take care, and I hope to talk with you soon!
Blue!! Thank you! I was thinking of you as well when I was in the hospital 🙂
I really do hope it’ll help others. And if it wasn’t for you, and some others, pushing me to go, I doubt I would’ve even made it this far. So I hope I can help make a difference to someone else like you’ve done for me 🙂
And yes, we should talk soon, take care as well! *hugs*