I don’t think there can be many feelings as bad as living in an absolute hell. But I’m not sure what’s hell about it. Living with people I love but – think I got it.
Living a miserable life, so bad that all my effort and will power goes into making me look slightly gloomy at the best of times. My head pounds and my bones ache from the pressure.
I value the people around me more than anything – but sometimes I don’t think they even care about me – what’s behind the façade.
The only time I can have a decent conversation with one of my friends is if one of the topics is something he is interested in – a mutual topic.
I want to tear at myself. Rip the skin off of my face and see the poison beneath.
But not suicide
I just can’t do that yet.