Well, the title pretty much says it… I plan on saving up my money to get a gun and end it… maybe even take some pain killers while I’m at it so I don’t feel anymore pain as I pull the trigger…
I’m just sick of everything, I’ve been trying for years to keep going, to find reasons to keep going but, I haven’t had any reason to live in my entire life. No one wants me around, no one would ever miss me… and I’ve been told I should just live for myself but, I’m not like that… I’m not selfish, I can’t even think selfishly without it eating away at the core of my soul and twisting and contorting my thought process into madness.
Many will probably comment that I’m a selfish pig that should die already or that I don’t even deserve to exist or something else of that sort… I’ve heard just about all of it… I have been called a “Worthless Piece of Shit!” by my father, ex-step-father, teachers/students, and an ex-co-worker of mine as well… So many have said it, so it must be true, right? So, I am a worthless piece of shit… and that means that I don’t even deserve to exist! I need to be erased… I will be forgotten with time… No one will miss me, no one will love me, no one will care about me, no one will notice either… I just hope it works this time… I’m tired of feeling only pain… it’s all I’ve ever truly felt throughout my years of existing in this world of hate. I have already attempted suicide countless times and no one notices, no one cares, no one wants to help… and I’m always screaming for someone, anyone to help me… but, my pleas always go unanswered and I am always ignored… I just can’t keep going anymore… and I am truly sorry… but, I have lost, and they have won… it is game over for me…
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First let me say I’m sorry things are so hard for you right now. Being called a worthless piece of shit is very hurtful. They probably mean your actions not you as a person. Before you make that fatal decision, call a crisis line to get help. If your family don’t realize you need help then tell a friend or goto the ER. They can help you. We are here to help and talk when you need it.
You don’t have any idea as to how bad things have been for me… and it’s not just right now, it’s how things have been for me my entire life. :'( and it wasn’t because, of my actions… they’d always say it out of rage or because, they hated me… :'( Everyone seems to only ever really just hate me… My father has tried to kill me and same with my ex-step-father and one of the teachers I had back when I was in High School… :'( But, no one cared… I plan on saving up, which means it’s going to take some time… unfortunately. :'( and if I can’t get the money I need to do what I’d like to before July… I’m just going to go with option B. :'( I can’t call anyone! They’ll just have me bagged and dragged off to a mental hospital… :'( I don’t want to relive my childhood and teen years all over again! :'( I don’t want to go back to the nightmares…
My family could care less of what happens to me… that’s why I like option B so much… 🙁 the ER will just do the same thing as if I would if I called someone… :'( I have no friend to turn to (offline that is.)
There’s just no hope for me anymore, everyone will be better off not remembering me… :'( All I’ve ever been is an unerasable mistake!
I’m sorry life has been and is so hard for you. Have you considered moving to a different area and starting life off again? I know that financially it might not be possible but it’s an idea. If you don’t want to go to the hospital, then I would recommend you find a counselor and a psychologist. I say that cause you did say you have tried to kill yourself before and wanted help so I’m just offering suggestions. If money is an issue, there may be state programs that will cover all or most of the costs. In Tennessee there is a program called safteynet that covers people with little or no money to get mental health help.
it is impossible for me to up and leave financially… 🙁 I can’t go to either one of them… they’ll have someone kind bag me and take me to a mental hospital… :'( if I go, any chance or shred of hope of me ever being ‘normal’ will be erased forever… :'( and I will beg for death from anyone and everyone every day… :'(
I’m in Ohio…
sucks we feel this way.. im sorry that its been the world against you.. my problem is i am my own worst enemy.. ive destroyed myself while the world loved me.. it seems you dont have that problem.
how old are you anyways?
I think it would be best for you to save up and move away rather then just off yourself… it seems as your depression is due to environmental situations.. ever think of just traveling??
You seem to be the opposite of me, those around me have tried to destroy me while I would try to care for them.
And I am 21.
I can’t afford to travel… 🙁 I can’t afford anything, that’s why I figure if I save up… even if it means starving myself… I’ll finally be able to put an end to my pain quickly. :'(
you wont be able to end your life dude, were not programmed too. so there is no point in wasting your time on thinking about how to kill yourself. ive done that so many times, but its only thoughts, waste of time, actions will never come into play. i know its tough, but you know what? everyday there will be opportunities for you to change your life.. but you gotta know who you really want to be and what you want to do! you shouldnt even care about what others think.. what do you want in your life? a career? a loving partner? to be in great shape? strive towards that. if all fails, play some online computer games lol there a waste of time, but they are enjoyable for the moment! haha.
I can and I will… No one will miss me, no one will care, my family sees me not as a member of the family nor as a brother or son… I am seen as a parasite, a slave/servant, a worthless piece of sh**! and nothing else. I don’t ‘waste my time’ I plan and then execute. I have attempted suicide countless times in my life and no one cares… No one notices… There’s just no point to existing anyway… It’s best if I just not exist at all.
Everyday I’m put down, and have it installed into my head what a “Worthless piece of shit” that I am to everyone, that I’ll never find happiness, that I don’t deserve to exist, that I’ll never be good enough, that I deserve only to drop dead!!!
It doesn’t matter what I want… no matter how hard I try at ANYTHING! everyone else around me will make sure to drag me back down into the mud where I seem to belong… 6 feet under, that’s where I belong. :'(
I am in shape, but, I won’t ever be able to get a job because, everyone wants to judge me over my past, I’ll never find love because, no one on this Earth would ever love some ‘THING’ as FU**ED UP as me… I just don’t even deserve to exist… I have no purpose in life… NONE!!!
and you seem to be just a foolish child that doesn’t understand how serious life is! YOU NEED TO WAKE UP AND REALIZE IT QUICKLY BEFORE LIFE DECIDES TO SMACK YOU INTO REALITY AND SHOW YOU JUST HOW CRUEL IT ALL TRULY IS!!!