I have no friends. I have a fiance, who doesn’t understand depression. Who I cant really talk to. I wouldn’t want to tell him how bad I feel. Nobody really wants to hear our sad sob stories. You have to get it out though.
My whole damn life, like everyone else I guess, I have always thought, I don’t need to worry about doing blahblah, idk, drugs, too much sun, my credit. We’re all supposed to die before the repercussions of our poor decisions happen. Well I’m living proof, they are coming. I didn’t die at 18, 21, 25, 30. The brain damage from drinking, or meth or x. Blah blah blah. I still have that ideology that when it gets to be too much, I’ll just off myself. I tried and tried and I’m still here. I’d like to think that maybe I have a purpose for being here. Maybe if I could just help ONE person. You don’t listen to your elders, because you’ll never be that old. I was very pretty, beautiful body. I didnt appreciate any of it. All that crying and cutting, ugh. Can anyone please listen to me? Take f!#$ing advantage of being young. It really goes by fast. I lost age 21 to 30. I hear I had a blast.
I’m still pretty, I definitely don’t look my age. I’m in better shape than I was since I was in high school.
I want to make a difference in someones life. I told my overdose, leading to DTs story. My bestie died from NOT drinking. She was beautiful, funny, sweet.
Just DONT WASTE IT ALL!!! I’m rambling. I had my fill of kratom for the moment. Maybe no one will read this, but it isnt stuck in my brain for now. A much cleaner relief than cutting.
4 comments
Thanks for sharing. I hear you about how fast our youth goes. But one thing is true. We only have now. That is all we’ve ever had. The past is gone, the future is not here.
Make a difference today, which you already have with your post. Best wishes to you.
I hear you.. I do, but you shouldn’t feel like your life is over because your twenties are over.. You still have a long life ahead of you. I guess you’ve heard this multiple times, but you should try to make the best out of it as much as you possibly can. Habits are always hard break but in the end it’s worth it. Even if your fiance doesn’t understand depression there are ways to make him understand, if he is willing to understand you of course. And sure, the loved ones doesn’t want to hear a sad story about someone they care about, probably because they don’t want to picture them that way, or something. But it’s necessary if we want to understand and really know the ones we live our lives with. And in that way it’s easier to get support and support others.
I’m only 21 but I’ve waisted a lot of time making bad decisions and getting experienced in every wrong kind of way I can think of for a “regular” lifestyle. But I do know that it’s only up to me if I want to do it right. You have the time to do it too, never think that anything is too late. And don’t feel ashamed or bad because of your scars And things like that. We all have scars, some have them physically and some have them psychologically.. or both ways. Either way, any kind of scars shows but in different ways.
shit, that was a long comment. Didn’t realize. Sorry for word pooping on you like that. anyways, I wish you all the best.
I lived my 20’s the same way – heavy drinking, drugs, wasted money, seeing the future as never happening, depression – because of drugs and sometimes not because of it – suicidal thoughts & an attempt, wasted years – at least you came out of it with a fiancé and you’re good looking. Your life can begin today if you want it to.
You want to make a difference in some bodies life? Start with your own. I’m not meaning to sound rude, I’m being serious. People want to make a difference for others but really it’s them who needs that help first. Tell your fiancé, that’s what he’s there for right? It affects him too.