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Sun sets – sun rises

by nozmoking

Again. Another day. I hear my two youngest that share my home leave for work. My daughter’s little dog comes into my room after she’s gone to work and cries to at me to be picked up. I do, and she digs under my blankets and falls asleep.

Hour by hour goes by. I fight to stay asleep. Noon comes. Noon gives way to one o’clock. Then it’s two o’clock. I dread the searing pain of getting up. It’s the end of the third week of the month and pain meds are dwindling. Not enough. My bank account is dwindling. I should be up and looking for gigs or finding ways to replace the job I lost in October.

But I can’t care anymore.

What I had to live for was gone ten years ago. I am feeble and weak. It’s like fending off cannon balls with a feather. Every breath, every step – it’s all too hard.

I just want it all to stop.

STOP

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lost 1/9/2015 - 9:19 am

I’m sorry your circumstances are so terrible, nozmoking. Is there anything your children can do to help? They must love you and want to see you happy.

I, too, have lost the last thing I had left to live for. I doubt I’ll find anything else, and I’m not sure I have it in me to even keep trying. I want to, but the pain is unbearable.

I wish I had something more constructive or helpful to say, but I wanted you to know that I read your post, I can sympathize, and I’m wishing you the best.

theWhispersOfMySins 1/10/2015 - 11:15 am

I am sorry things are so bad for you. Wish I had a way to cheer you up a little. hugs.

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