I’ve found a recurring theme in myself and other depressed/suicidal people, which I’ve found extremely interesting. You want people close to you, but at the same time, you want them as far away as possible. When I sit alone at lunch, I keep looking at my friends, silently willing them to come over, but at the same time, feeling happy that they stay away. I keep looking at my phone, desperately hoping for a text, glad that it never comes. I want my friends to help me, but then I remember that none of them can. I don’t know, I just think it’s curious.
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Yeah I hear ya. I have a similar thing. Like I want someone to ask me what’s wrong but then when they do I brush it off and never go through with it. Then when I’m alone I’ll regret it lol not really the same I guess
I think that’s probably an example of the contradictory dynamic we have. When I do that, it’s because I want support from others, but I *highly, highly* doubt they are capable of being nonjudgmental about it. Is it like that for you (& anybody else reading this) too?
(btw this is also the reason why I often can be found suggesting to people on here to try seeing a therapist or counsellor. They’re the folks who are *least* likely to judge.) :’)
I never thought of it, but its true
Prehaps, rather, you want someone to talk to and be close with, but are afraid of social interaction? and the repurcussions of telling people that you don’t know how they’ll react however you’re feeling? 😛
Even with people you’re already friends with, alot of people take it badly if you say you’re suicidal…its more of a philosophical or ideological king of subject…
Sort of like religion 😛 when what you really believe in is less than 1% of the world’s population….
It seems like kind of an avoidance thing. Depressed people often fear social rejection, so they abstain from social activities, yet they tend to crave emotional intimacy. I happen to fantasize a lot about ideal social situations because I’ve become some tired of social exchanges. If that makes me fit the cliché, so be it.
Yup, the shoe fits. Personally I feel that those who say depression is just as much a social disease as it is a personal one are probably right. We all need loving and supportive people in our lives. The more the better, because then we can support them and be supported without too much of a load being put on one or the other person. Yet among those of us who find ourselves here (and in studies of depressed people in general), either there’ll be little to no support or there’s such a strong belief that we’ll be rejected/ridiculed/berated that it seems as if there’s little point in asking at all.
For balance I should add: it’s also important to try to self-validate. It can be hard for those of us who weren’t raised to believe in ourselves* of course, but that’s no reason not to try: tinybuddha(.)com/blog/5-ways-to-validate-be-part-of-your-support-system
(*Actually I think I’ve just made it easier for myself by improving my nutrition and making small lifestyle changes/additions that are making what used to be huge stressors into not as big a deal)