nias
Why do I keep saying soon but never now.
My problems are never going away so why do I keep putting off my suicide, why do I keep saying I’ll just do this or that first. Do I really want to die? well, yes and no; yes, I’ve had enough of my depressing life and this world, but no, I still wish things could work out for me, how can that ever be though, I’m an ugly, paranoid, stupid waste of space. I’m stuck with depression and social anxiety, and the cause of said problems, a body that, due to toxin build-up, has created something horrible that comes and goes for no reason but to cause me great embarrassment and fear/distress of being around others, I so want to die.
Destined to be alone as no woman would ever want me, I’m frightened of my future, so frightened. My gravatar shows the only time I was really happy, a place I holidayed as a child, wish I could go back to that time, I feel I want to go there and end it all. I hate my life, when will this misery be over for me, it’s got to be soon, surely so soon now.
It makes me want to cry writing this, there’s nothing I can do, doctors say I have to live with it, I can’t, just can’t, I’m rubbish, I have no future, I must go. So why do I keep saying soon but never now, why am I destined to remain alive, but wishing I was dead.