I’m still debating. If I want to go through with it or not. I’ve been thinking about it all morning, all night, these past few days and the different ways to go about it. What are the easiest ways, the painful, the painless, the long, etc. Actually if I go through with it, I don’t mind if I survive. I’m the kind of person who while (at least until now) I haven’t tried to commit suicide deliberately, I don’t care if it happens when trying to injure myself (aka I’m trying to hurt myself really badly not die, but if I die in the process it doesn’t really matter, but suicide was not my original goal, like for example falling down the stairs, which I’ve been able to bring myself to deliberately do).
I don’t know. I just don’t want to go on anymore. I can’t take it. I’m sad, I’m depressed. I feel hopeless. I feel guilty. I feel like I’m bad for feeling this way. Why can’t everything just disappear? Will it be better if I just disappear? Would my misery and pain finally end? I hate inflicting pain and hurting others, but I’ve already suffered long enough. Can’t I think about myself for once? I’m tired of always thinking about others. I just want an end to my sorrow.